Humorist Farmer Gifts

A Tongue Stud.

'Keep me informed of the herds' mood.'

"No, I like the plan. Just saying, have you ever done any actual tunnelling?"

'How many times have I told you not to hit the ball with your head?'

'Oh Hi!'

A sure sign of rain

'We're taking over tonight, it's the only way to save the farm.'

'Henrietta is so self-confident.'

'Some dogs are meant to be working dogs and some aren't.'

'Pass the salt, will ya, buddy?'

'Mother, there's something you're not telling me about that alien invasion, I can feel it!'

"We can do this the easy way or we can do it the hard way ..."

"Static cling."

"Don't be so dramatic. You tell me you're pregnant every day?"

"There's got to be a better way to raise potatoes!"

"You're living in a fantasy world, Nelly. Farmer Dave doesn't know you're alive. Plus, he's a human being, he's married, he's the church pastor and he's secretly gay."

'How are you at thinking outside the flocks?'

'That GMO gene salesman was darn right!'

"That was definitely mine."

Emergency room doctor about half cow: 'Farming accident. Be sensitive - she's beside herself.'

"I was hoping Calvin would grow up to be top sirloin..."

Objects in mirror bear no relation to reality.

"I guess it must be that new growth hormone the farmer gave me!"

'Hey Sally, do these new capris make me look pretentious?'

'Tropical fruit, imported cheese, coconuts...I'm not really into that 'eat locally' stuff.'

'MEN! We've got a fire at the cattle shed! Do we want rare, medium or well done?'

Worse case of chicken pox I've ever seen!

'That hussy. She's always first in line for insemination.'

'I promise, you're not crossing to the Dark Side.'

The Mongolian Steps Slinky Cows.

'Nonsense! They can't All have headaches.'

'With proper flossing there's no reason for hens to not have teeth.'

'I finnaly located what was causing that hissing sound on the tractor.'

"I call it 'Moona Lisa'."