Quirky Farm Humorist Gifts

Ostrich Farm

'Keep me informed of the herds' mood.'

"No, I like the plan. Just saying, have you ever done any actual tunnelling?"

'Wake up, dear...did you order extra milk?!'

A sure sign of rain

'How many times have I told you not to hit the ball with your head?'

'Henrietta is so self-confident.'

'Some dogs are meant to be working dogs and some aren't.'

Milking the Cow.

'Pass the salt, will ya, buddy?'

Alas poor Daisy, I knew her well!

'Mother, there's something you're not telling me about that alien invasion, I can feel it!'

"Static cling."

"We can do this the easy way or we can do it the hard way ..."

"Don't be so dramatic. You tell me you're pregnant every day?"

'How are you at thinking outside the flocks?'

"You're living in a fantasy world, Nelly. Farmer Dave doesn't know you're alive. Plus, he's a human being, he's married, he's the church pastor and he's secretly gay."

'That GMO gene salesman was darn right!'

"And I put it to you Mr. MacDonald, that on the morning of December 3rd, you had cold hands whilst attaching a milking machine to my client's udder!"

"That was definitely mine."

Emergency room doctor about half cow: 'Farming accident. Be sensitive - she's beside herself.'

Objects in mirror bear no relation to reality.

"I was hoping Calvin would grow up to be top sirloin..."

"That's... yikes. I mean... what's even going on down there? Honey, I don't think a push-up bra is very flattering on you."

'Tropical fruit, imported cheese, coconuts...I'm not really into that 'eat locally' stuff.'

'Hey Sally, do these new capris make me look pretentious?'

'Ok, this sty is great and all, but can we get some huge explosions? Wilbur, could you say 'it's about to get real'?'

'MEN! We've got a fire at the cattle shed! Do we want rare, medium or well done?'

"I guess it must be that new growth hormone the farmer gave me!"

Shocking cows and chickens with the ingredients of the cake.

Farmyard Sinatra - "Start spreadin'...Manure

Worse case of chicken pox I've ever seen!

The Mongolian Steps Slinky Cows.

Phoning a Busy Sheep: 'Sorry I can't get to the phone right now, please make an animal noise after the bleat!'

"Start talking."