Quirky Farm Humorist Gifts

Ostrich Farm

'Keep me informed of the herds' mood.'

"No, I like the plan. Just saying, have you ever done any actual tunnelling?"

'Wake up, dear...did you order extra milk?!'

'How many times have I told you not to hit the ball with your head?'

'Henrietta is so self-confident.'

A sure sign of rain

'Some dogs are meant to be working dogs and some aren't.'

"We can do this the easy way or we can do it the hard way ..."

Alas poor Daisy, I knew her well!

'Mother, there's something you're not telling me about that alien invasion, I can feel it!'

'Pass the salt, will ya, buddy?'

"Static cling."

"Don't be so dramatic. You tell me you're pregnant every day?"

'How are you at thinking outside the flocks?'

'That GMO gene salesman was darn right!'

"You're living in a fantasy world, Nelly. Farmer Dave doesn't know you're alive. Plus, he's a human being, he's married, he's the church pastor and he's secretly gay."

"And I put it to you Mr. MacDonald, that on the morning of December 3rd, you had cold hands whilst attaching a milking machine to my client's udder!"

"That was definitely mine."

Emergency room doctor about half cow: 'Farming accident. Be sensitive - she's beside herself.'

"I was hoping Calvin would grow up to be top sirloin..."

Objects in mirror bear no relation to reality.

"I guess it must be that new growth hormone the farmer gave me!"

'Tropical fruit, imported cheese, coconuts...I'm not really into that 'eat locally' stuff.'

'MEN! We've got a fire at the cattle shed! Do we want rare, medium or well done?'

"That's... yikes. I mean... what's even going on down there? Honey, I don't think a push-up bra is very flattering on you."

'Hey Sally, do these new capris make me look pretentious?'

Worse case of chicken pox I've ever seen!

'I promise, you're not crossing to the Dark Side.'

The Mongolian Steps Slinky Cows.

"All good: This egg looks healthy as well..."

Phoning a Busy Sheep: 'Sorry I can't get to the phone right now, please make an animal noise after the bleat!'