Farm Stand Humorist Gifts

'Tropical fruit, imported cheese, coconuts...I'm not really into that 'eat locally' stuff.'

'Keep me informed of the herds' mood.'

"No, I like the plan. Just saying, have you ever done any actual tunnelling?"

'Wake up, dear...did you order extra milk?!'

'Henrietta is so self-confident.'

A sure sign of rain

'How many times have I told you not to hit the ball with your head?'

'Some dogs are meant to be working dogs and some aren't.'

'Mother, there's something you're not telling me about that alien invasion, I can feel it!'

'Pass the salt, will ya, buddy?'

Alas poor Daisy, I knew her well!

"Static cling."

"We can do this the easy way or we can do it the hard way ..."

"Don't be so dramatic. You tell me you're pregnant every day?"

'How are you at thinking outside the flocks?'

"You're living in a fantasy world, Nelly. Farmer Dave doesn't know you're alive. Plus, he's a human being, he's married, he's the church pastor and he's secretly gay."

"That was definitely mine."

Emergency room doctor about half cow: 'Farming accident. Be sensitive - she's beside herself.'

'MEN! We've got a fire at the cattle shed! Do we want rare, medium or well done?'

"That's... yikes. I mean... what's even going on down there? Honey, I don't think a push-up bra is very flattering on you."

'Hey Sally, do these new capris make me look pretentious?'

'Watch out, Dewey! Cow pie!'

Objects in mirror bear no relation to reality.

Worse case of chicken pox I've ever seen!

"All good: This egg looks healthy as well..."

Phoning a Busy Sheep: 'Sorry I can't get to the phone right now, please make an animal noise after the bleat!'

The Mongolian Steps Slinky Cows.

'I promise, you're not crossing to the Dark Side.'

'Nonsense! They can't All have headaches.'

A Tongue Stud.

'With proper flossing there's no reason for hens to not have teeth.'

"I call it 'Moona Lisa'."

"Ok, let's try it one last time. It's 'Ahhhhhh'..."