Agricultural Humorist Gifts

Man milking 'subsidy' from an EU cow

They always go for the hoe.

'Oh quit griping and be thankful we even got a bonus this year!'

'AAAAH! MILK LEECH!'

"I dunno. Maybe if they used a pumpkin or something instead of a basketball..."

"Oh no. Not the niblets."

Experimental Free Range Guinea Pigs For Sale.

What's this in Euros?

'The fruiter surmised that the zineb caused catface.'

Milking small business.

"...And Rooney's being stretchered off the pitch following a severe attack of potato blight."

'First, wool. Then, lamb chops. Now they've got us creating antibiotics for them.'

'That GMO gene salesman was darn right!'

"I guess it must be that new growth hormone the farmer gave me!"

"I was hoping Calvin would grow up to be top sirloin..."

'Keep me informed of the herds' mood.'

"No, I like the plan. Just saying, have you ever done any actual tunnelling?"

'We're taking over tonight, it's the only way to save the farm.'

A sure sign of rain

'Henrietta is so self-confident.'

'How many times have I told you not to hit the ball with your head?'

'Some dogs are meant to be working dogs and some aren't.'

'Mother, there's something you're not telling me about that alien invasion, I can feel it!'

'Pass the salt, will ya, buddy?'

"Static cling."

"Don't be so dramatic. You tell me you're pregnant every day?"

'How are you at thinking outside the flocks?'

"You're living in a fantasy world, Nelly. Farmer Dave doesn't know you're alive. Plus, he's a human being, he's married, he's the church pastor and he's secretly gay."

"That was definitely mine."

Emergency room doctor about half cow: 'Farming accident. Be sensitive - she's beside herself.'

Objects in mirror bear no relation to reality.

'Ok, this sty is great and all, but can we get some huge explosions? Wilbur, could you say 'it's about to get real'?'

'MEN! We've got a fire at the cattle shed! Do we want rare, medium or well done?'

'Hey Sally, do these new capris make me look pretentious?'

Shocking cows and chickens with the ingredients of the cake.