Domestic Commander Pillows

'You may be the CEO of a large corporation, but at home you're an OMW, observe my whims!'

"This happens everytime someone asks to speak to the head of the household."

"I thought I was a hoarder, but it turns out I'm a prepper."

"...But it's only Thursday. I'll be confused all day now."

"Somehow, my wife pinned me to her taskbar."

P.O.W. !! to US credibility.

"Sorry sir, it's the permafrost again!"

Bird Cage Cover over Wife's Head

'I didn't know you got one for saluting.'

"Clark...is there something you'd like to tell me?"

'You told me I should run the house like a business, so what am I bid for dinner?'

'And I'll bet that there's a cute little war story that goes with each one of them.'

'Roger that...I'm taking the first clean shot I can get.'

"Yesterday's clothes, which weren't quite dirty enough to wash, or clean enough to put away" "The day before yesterday's clothes" "A parcel you have forgotten to send back" "Your sense of inner peace and harmony" "Clothes from the day before that" "A beloved sock, last seen in February 2023"

Good disciplinarian gaining respect vs. scary nutcase.

"Oh, are you attacking from home today?"

"Marie has been planning for my retirement for years."

'I just joined the Freemasons and I'm afraid you're our next sacrifice..'

Pentagon

Home Economics with an Attitude...

Castle Cat Flap

'The general says, I'm not only expendable, but also biodegradable.'

'The enemy sir. They've broken our code. Perhaps it wasn't good idea to use pig Latin.'

"Sorry Helen but you knew I was a management consultant before we got married!"

The five stages of laundry 1. Denial I'll do it tomorrow. 2. Anger Why are there no clean clothes!? 3. Bargaining Ok! Who wants to help with the laundry? 4. Depression Can't. Do. It. 5. Acceptance

"I'm going to grab a snack, turn down the heat, check a few scores, put the clothes in the dryer and go to the bathroom. ... You need anything?"

'This is our home's communications center.'

General/medals.

"No, she likes me best!"

"I feel like all I do is pick up crap all day."

"All I said was, 'I'll take out the garbage when I'm ready'."

'Herbert just loves to help with the dishes.'

'Because you told me to run the house like a business.'