Domestic Warrior Pillows

"I'm just a girl, standing behind a guy, watching him load the dishwasher incorrectly."

'No matter what I do I can't get rid of his squid marks.'

'Now that he's retired I've shown him where the hoover is.'

'The plunger had defected to the enemy.'

"I should have been more specific when I said, 'Throw something together for dinner and be quick about it'."

Man catching drips from ceiling in rubber glove.

'Yesterday, I left a peanut butter knife on the counter, and she tells me to put it in the dishwasher. Today, I put my sandwich plate in the dishwasher, and she yells at me 'those are clean!' There's no pleasing women.'

"Don't just stand there Howard - SWAT IT!!!"

Lack of hygiene at home

"Because when you go first nobody else has any fun, that's why."

Believe it or not: Once upon a time Dads couldn't even boil water.

'Hon, I'm home!'

"I take it the toilet is fixed?"

"I was ironing the curtains and fell out of the window..!"

"My dream is to have a little house and a white picket fence wired with explosives."

"I finally cleaned my room. You don't think she'll look in the yard, do you?"

"Not tonight, Jon. I have to clean for the cleaning lady."

'Occupation? You name it, that's ME.'

"Fine, you win. I'll call a handyman."

'Daddy, what did you do on Armed Services Day?'

'How are you doing on your side?'

"I bought you a cook book. Think of it as technical support."

"Great - really great - but I'd still like to get out of the house every once in a while."

"I wish you'd get more in touch with your masculine side, Robert"

'Yes, yes, Rupert, you are still a mighty hunter. Now, please bring the turkey back to Luisa in the kitchen.'

You can't focus on the cost of raising a child. True. They do have benefits. Mom! The glue spilled into your underwear drawer! Dad! Where's the toilet plunger? Though nothing specific leaps to mind.

Whack-A-Chore: "You play it all day, every day, until you can't anymore."

Iron Lady and Iron Man

"Namaste."

"Well of course it's fast food. I cooked it faster than a speeding bullet."

"I get that you're cold, but does he also have to eat all our meals with us?"

"The clothes looked extra dirty... so I used the whole box of detergent!"

"I thought it would be cheaper to weed wack our shag carpet rather than replace it."

Colin attempts to be useful around the house didn't always have the desired effect.

"Sloth is a sin."