Home Warrior Pillows

"I'm bored honey, there's nothing on TV."

'Good news. I found where the termites have been living.'

"I sensed you needed my help. I’m Saint &@!#%&!!, the patron saint of cursing."

"Garbage in, garbage out!"

"See this area right here, honey? This is why we need to find someone who knows what they're doing."

Noise Pollution

'Daniel! How many times have I told you not to bury that in the back yard! I'm going to be late for work!'

"My dream is to have a little house and a white picket fence wired with explosives."

'The upside is that if the water gets high enough all your termites might drown.'

"Not tonight, Jon. I have to clean for the cleaning lady."

'Hanging around the house, Fred, just in case.'

The online yoga class was not without interruptions.

man juggling career, home and children

'It's just what I always wanted!'

Ready for the curves life throws at you.

Whack-A-Chore: "You play it all day, every day, until you can't anymore."

'Love your renovations.'

'You should now feel relaxed and at one with your whole body.'

"I hardly think you can call waiting for updates to install doing nothing!!"

Mother's Day: 2nd Sunday in May, Others Day: Every day before and after the 2nd Sunday in May.

"I thought it would be cheaper to weed wack our shag carpet rather than replace it."

Segway Workout

"Well he's sweating, pale, and out of breath, but then again he's not used to being home doing the housework."

The Eternal Battle Over Who Is More Tired

'Surely it is no longer legal to include 'deposit of your first-born child'?'

'Ken's back was bent at a rakish angle'

Matador face to face with a Toro lawnmower.

"Philip has questioned my stewardship."

"This, 'being a housewife' lark, isn't so hard."

Castle Cat Flap

'If it weren't for baseball, this whole thing could have ended much differently.'

How many times do I have to remind you to empty your pockets before doing laundry?

"I have a low-cost project you can which you can involve yourself with."

"Trust me. This is the last place they'll find us."

"I can't go out right now. It's cleaning day and my bucket list has a mop in it."