Home-front Warrior Pillows

'Mum, when you've finished your full-time job, cleaned the house, sorted the laundry, made the meals and walked the dog could you sort out these bills for me?'

'Daniel! How many times have I told you not to bury that in the back yard! I'm going to be late for work!'

"My dream is to have a little house and a white picket fence wired with explosives."

'She deserves it since she's raised our three kids with me overseas.'

"Not tonight, Jon. I have to clean for the cleaning lady."

'Doris,do you realize you are destroying a perfectly happy marriage?'

'He's under office-arrest.'

Congratulations on Receiving Your Vaccine Doctor

Whack-A-Chore: "You play it all day, every day, until you can't anymore."

"I hardly think you can call waiting for updates to install doing nothing!!"

"I thought it would be cheaper to weed wack our shag carpet rather than replace it."

'I don't want to talk about it.'

"Bloody houseflies...."

"O.K., but let's say you have up to six hundred intruders per minute."

Health warning - This job will lead you to drink.

The Eternal Battle Over Who Is More Tired

'Roger that...I'm taking the first clean shot I can get.'

'I'd go small with this burglar. Way too much collateral damage with the cannon.'

'Surely it is no longer legal to include 'deposit of your first-born child'?'

'Ken's back was bent at a rakish angle'

Thank you present

"I have a low-cost project you can which you can involve yourself with."

"O.K., she's sitting down to write in three....two....one...."

'The General won't be able to make it ,sir -he can't get a babysitter.'

'If it weren't for baseball, this whole thing could have ended much differently.'

"And if you think that every time you open your mouth around here everyone is going to dance to your tune, you've got another thing coming, Mr. Federal Reserve!"

"Turns out Mommy's life is one big long report, sweeitie."

"Don't just stand there Howard - SWAT IT!!!"

"The long winter has gotten you out of shape, dad. Your back locked up. If it was your computer, I could help you."

'Yes, I have both a desktop and a laptop.'

'Sir, aren't you missing another workaholics anonymous meeting tonight?'

This had the potential to get really nasty...

'No matter what I do I can't get rid of his squid marks.'