Homefront Champion Pillows

'I don't want to talk about it.'

Thank you, Essential Workers

'Forget what?'

'She deserves it since she's raised our three kids with me overseas.'

There Is An Alternative Universe In Which Donald Trump Cares About Us And We Care About Stuff That Matters

"And I got these stretch marks on my butt from sitting in the house for months back in 2020."

Indoor Football

"Honey! We're home!"

'I hope it's okay -- the cookbook had some really confusing abbreviations.'

"Okay, if it hits the wall it's a triple, and if it goes through Mr. Baker's window, that's a home run."

'I don't have to go to school. My mom teachers me.'

'He's so proud - We've got the best collection of weeds in the street!'

'Roger that...I'm taking the first clean shot I can get.'

"What's the big deal. . . ? - We've been doing that for years anyway. . ."

"Oh, are you attacking from home today?"

Your library book is overdue.

'The General won't be able to make it ,sir -he can't get a babysitter.'

"Ladies and gentlemen, this is serious. We have now fallen behind Japan in the manufacture of American flags."

"And if you think that every time you open your mouth around here everyone is going to dance to your tune, you've got another thing coming, Mr. Federal Reserve!"

"You're the one who should be 'Time's' man of the year."

"Turns out Mommy's life is one big long report, sweeitie."

Mom First Aid

"Out of my way, Marge. It's Science Time!"

'Your mother can whip up a great meal, kids, while at the same time, suppressing her hopes, dreams and aspirations.'

'Mum, when you've finished your full-time job, cleaned the house, sorted the laundry, made the meals and walked the dog could you sort out these bills for me?'

'Mum said you were the first man she ever trained, Dad.'

My dad loves his lawn.

'Gimme a drink! His screeching siren stuck,coming back from the shops.'

"I could never. Too much pressure."

"Sorry to cancel last minute—I was waiting it out, hoping you would."

"And here's my wine cellar. It can hold 4,000 bottles, in theory."

"Are you ready to pound down some breakfast?"

"As impressed as we are by your masonry skills, sir, I'm afraid that's no guarantee of a mortgage these days."

'Wait a second... you've been homeschooled for months! Why am I still giving you lunch money?'

'Not tonight, dear. I stayed home with the kids today, remember?'