Home-front Warrior T-Shirts

'Mum, when you've finished your full-time job, cleaned the house, sorted the laundry, made the meals and walked the dog could you sort out these bills for me?'

"My dream is to have a little house and a white picket fence wired with explosives."

'Daniel! How many times have I told you not to bury that in the back yard! I'm going to be late for work!'

'She deserves it since she's raised our three kids with me overseas.'

"Not tonight, Jon. I have to clean for the cleaning lady."

'Doris,do you realize you are destroying a perfectly happy marriage?'

'He's under office-arrest.'

Congratulations on Receiving Your Vaccine Doctor

Whack-A-Chore: "You play it all day, every day, until you can't anymore."

"I hardly think you can call waiting for updates to install doing nothing!!"

"Bloody houseflies...."

"I thought it would be cheaper to weed wack our shag carpet rather than replace it."

'I don't want to talk about it.'

"O.K., but let's say you have up to six hundred intruders per minute."

Health warning - This job will lead you to drink.

'I'd go small with this burglar. Way too much collateral damage with the cannon.'

'Roger that...I'm taking the first clean shot I can get.'

The Eternal Battle Over Who Is More Tired

'Surely it is no longer legal to include 'deposit of your first-born child'?'

'Ken's back was bent at a rakish angle'

"And if you think that every time you open your mouth around here everyone is going to dance to your tune, you've got another thing coming, Mr. Federal Reserve!"

'The General won't be able to make it ,sir -he can't get a babysitter.'

Matador face to face with a Toro lawnmower.

'If it weren't for baseball, this whole thing could have ended much differently.'

"I have a low-cost project you can which you can involve yourself with."

"O.K., she's sitting down to write in three....two....one...."

Thank you present

How many times do I have to remind you to empty your pockets before doing laundry?

"Turns out Mommy's life is one big long report, sweeitie."

"Don't just stand there Howard - SWAT IT!!!"

'Yes, I have both a desktop and a laptop.'

"The long winter has gotten you out of shape, dad. Your back locked up. If it was your computer, I could help you."

'Sir, aren't you missing another workaholics anonymous meeting tonight?'

This had the potential to get really nasty...

My doctor says my heart is fragile. I'm supposed to cut down on my activism. You mean activity? Activism. He says that getting upset about idiotic, right-wing, greedy jerks is bad for my heart. He's a quack! This ends badly.