Backyard Warrior T-Shirts

'Ken's back was bent at a rakish angle'

This had the potential to get really nasty...

'Daniel! How many times have I told you not to bury that in the back yard! I'm going to be late for work!'

"I have a low-cost project you can which you can involve yourself with."

"The long winter has gotten you out of shape, dad. Your back locked up. If it was your computer, I could help you."

City Zoo: Day Care

"Davina McCall: Life at the Extreme takes a celebrity to the most extreme places on Earth!"

Frank moonlights as a Grill Sergeant.

"Think you're pretty manly, eh? OK, put the gun down and let's have a fair fight."

'In school today, we learned about endangered species.'

Cat in a tank...

"It only goes forwards and backwards. So, you won't need a GPS."

"I just assumed that the whale we adopted would stay in the ocean."

A tortoise running along the side of the road, panting.

'Oh Darling, you must be so proud: Your first wart!'

Monkey-artist

'Stop cracking and hulling his seeds. He's accustomed to working for his food.'

'Sometimes, I wonder if Master realizes we are dogs: He always says 'good boy, good boy'...'

Save the unicorn.

"Touché"

"Catching him was easy. Getting him through the cat door....Now that's another story."

"Go ahead if you want to: Me, I'll wait for the bears to be sated before I risk it..."

'You see, we don't have any children, so he's kind of our baby.'

"Man! That squirrel was jacked!"

'We're a protected species and an endangered speices, but when I see a person, I don't know if he's protecting us or endangering us.'

'Good grief! Aren't you extinct yet?'

"Turtling: When a child's backpack exceeds his weight"

Climate Change

'Told you to get your mower fixed.'

'Boy, being an endangered species is quite hard: I get weighed, tagged, filmed, recorded and studied by scientists: I have no privacy...'

"Must get a longer cable."

'Since he bought the leaf blower I hardly ever see him.'

Gardener's Calendar: Try to put the other things back...

'I told you that rock wall climbing would be useful. I'll get our ball back with no trouble at all.'

'The birdseed's okay. But I just like driving 'em crazy.'