Backyard Warrior Gifts

'Ken's back was bent at a rakish angle'

This had the potential to get really nasty...

Matador face to face with a Toro lawnmower.

'Daniel! How many times have I told you not to bury that in the back yard! I'm going to be late for work!'

"I have a low-cost project you can which you can involve yourself with."

"The long winter has gotten you out of shape, dad. Your back locked up. If it was your computer, I could help you."

City Zoo: Day Care

"Davina McCall: Life at the Extreme takes a celebrity to the most extreme places on Earth!"

Frank moonlights as a Grill Sergeant.

"Think you're pretty manly, eh? OK, put the gun down and let's have a fair fight."

'In school today, we learned about endangered species.'

"It only goes forwards and backwards. So, you won't need a GPS."

Cat in a tank...

"I just assumed that the whale we adopted would stay in the ocean."

'Sometimes, I wonder if Master realizes we are dogs: He always says 'good boy, good boy'...'

'Oh Darling, you must be so proud: Your first wart!'

A tortoise running along the side of the road, panting.

'Stop cracking and hulling his seeds. He's accustomed to working for his food.'

Monkey-artist

"Catching him was easy. Getting him through the cat door....Now that's another story."

Save the unicorn.

Man with raked leaves on wall plaques.

"Go ahead if you want to: Me, I'll wait for the bears to be sated before I risk it..."

"Touché"

'We're a protected species and an endangered speices, but when I see a person, I don't know if he's protecting us or endangering us.'

"Man! That squirrel was jacked!"

Climate Change

"Turtling: When a child's backpack exceeds his weight"

'You see, we don't have any children, so he's kind of our baby.'

'Good grief! Aren't you extinct yet?'

'Told you to get your mower fixed.'

'Boy, being an endangered species is quite hard: I get weighed, tagged, filmed, recorded and studied by scientists: I have no privacy...'

'Since he bought the leaf blower I hardly ever see him.'

"Must get a longer cable."

Gardener's Calendar: Try to put the other things back...