Domestic Crusader Pillows

'Herbert just loves to help with the dishes.'

You're the puff in my pastry!

Believe it or not: Once upon a time Dads couldn't even boil water.

"I finally cleaned my room. You don't think she'll look in the yard, do you?"

"Global warming, income inequalities, protests and COVID-19. Get up and do something! Help out already, now!!!"

"Thanks for considering me for the job as head of cybersecurity, but I already hacked into your network and gave myself the job."

"I've been listening to your podcast. And though I agree with your opinion on deforestation and global warming, I strongly disagree with your claim that I overcook my pasta."

'Well look, here come the hackers!'

"Hey!-This looks like a good place!"

"Your mom's not protesting sex and violence on TV...she's taking a stand against those early Christmas ads..."

"I bought you a cook book. Think of it as technical support."

"We can't be assailed and we can't be blackmailed... can't be derailed and will not be curtailed... competition will fail... cause we're too big to nail... oh, yeah!"

It's a Dog's life

"The clothes looked extra dirty... so I used the whole box of detergent!"

"[UNABLE TO PROCESS THIS IMAGE]"

"Yes, I'm a superhero. I'm not attractive, muscular or charming because I work in the 'cyber crimes' division."

"We've got a class-action suit if I ever saw one."

'Use by June 2007. Gah' - 'Use by July 2007. Double gah.' - 'Best of a bad bunch...'

No matter your skills, there's something you can volunteer to do.

"I don't get this. I know that you're a computer hacker and must have done many bad things. But your record is completely clean!"

"I can't get the blasted tin opener to work."

'Isn't it time you got over your silly fear of water?'

'Come over here and nag me, I'm homesick.'

Knights of the iPhone

"It's cold outside. You're not going anywhere without your oven mitts!"

'You may be the CEO of a large corporation, but at home you're an OMW, observe my whims!'

"You confused the Sudso box with the Cruncho box."

Colin attempts to be useful around the house didn't always have the desired effect.

'What's all this pet's rights stuff addressed to you?'

'We lost funding.'

'It's true what they say - we're a nation of dog lovers!'

'Good thing we're not litigious.'

'...And when it registers over 140 pounds, it automatically triggers the refrigerator lock.'

'I knew I shouldn't have brought you along. I haven't had a hit all day.'

"Read the comments, boss. . . we should rename the whole thing from 'social media' to 'antisocial media'."