Domestic Strategist Pillows

Good disciplinarian gaining respect vs. scary nutcase.

"Oh, are you attacking from home today?"

"I thought I was a hoarder, but it turns out I'm a prepper."

"I deleted my maps app. My wife used it to trick me into finding the laundry room."

"The only role-playing my husband & I do is job-seeker & employer."

The kitchen at night.

Bird Cage Cover over Wife's Head

'Did you do the housework like I asked?'

"What should we do for my birthday?. . . I shouldn't have to plan my own birthday."

"No, not again! Honestly, Honey, sometimes I think you do the laundry wrong just so I won't ask you to do it!"

"...But it's only Thursday. I'll be confused all day now."

"Sorry Helen but you knew I was a management consultant before we got married!"

"George won't eat anything green. So I dye it."

"That's our house, that's Mommy going to work, and that's you, staring out the window, wondering where it all went wrong."

"I'm just going to ring the doorbell so I have a chance of a spot in the bed."

"I have a feeling he understands more than we think."

I figured out how we can pay for the kids' college tuitions. Do tell. I'm going to leave for a year of self-discovery, which I will chronicle in a best-selling memoir. Oh, but

That's What Happens

"Don't you want to hear about the day I had?"

"Did you get my e-mail about who takes out the trash today?"

"Have you got any arguments why the world should trust in US policy?"

'Dad, I don't need a two-thirds majority to over-ride your veto. I've got mom.'

'We can't move in with my parents - they've moved in with grandma!'

By teaching the parrot a few key phrases, Marilyn no longer needs to nag her kids.

Sure, I'll sit, but I want half the treat upfront.

The Thing That Won't Leave

"I'm sorry, you must have me confused with someone that does yard work."

'You'll have more luck getting the sword out of the stone than getting the remote control out of his hand.'

Mission accomplished.

"Forget George, he scarfs down everything in sight. Aunt Rose and Grandma are good for slipping us a slice. Most important, the kids are sloppy. We're bound to find some juicy scraps under their chairs. Stay alert!"

'You may be the CEO of a large corporation, but at home you're an OMW, observe my whims!'

"Don't worry, it gets easier when they're 35."

"Bloody houseflies...."

When a nanosecond is forever.

CHEZ MOI - formerly CHEZ NOUS