Home Defense Strategist Pillows

"O.K., but let's say you have up to six hundred intruders per minute."

'I'd go small with this burglar. Way too much collateral damage with the cannon.'

"Bloody houseflies...."

"Well the good news is that we did save a little money by not investing in cyber crime protection...."

"My dream is to have a little house and a white picket fence wired with explosives."

"Did you get my e-mail about who takes out the trash today?"

"Have you got any arguments why the world should trust in US policy?"

"I thought I was a hoarder, but it turns out I'm a prepper."

"Brutus! Attack with reasonable force!"

'How long did you try before calling?'

Defence Cuts: 'This is getting serious Sergeant, bring up the re-enforcements!'

Mission accomplished.

'You'll have more luck getting the sword out of the stone than getting the remote control out of his hand.'

When a nanosecond is forever.

"Bloody cold-callers - I'm gonna give him a piece of my mind. . .!!"

Bird Cage Cover over Wife's Head

"I wish I had known you have arachnophobia before I paid."

"...But it's only Thursday. I'll be confused all day now."

Actualities - Dream of the inventor of the needle-gun on All Souls' Day

Afghanistan 2001 and 2021

'I hear a burglar downstairs, the poor fool.'

'Where was I on the night of the 7th of August? I was home washing my hair.'

"Yesterday's clothes, which weren't quite dirty enough to wash, or clean enough to put away" "The day before yesterday's clothes" "A parcel you have forgotten to send back" "Your sense of inner peace and harmony" "Clothes from the day before that" "A beloved sock, last seen in February 2023"

Athena

'General, You look pale this morning...' - 'I had a nightmare Admiral! I dreamed the war began!'

Good disciplinarian gaining respect vs. scary nutcase.

"Oh, are you attacking from home today?"

Man with fly swat - Let the games begin.

'Oh, I'm reasonably ambitious about my military career, sir, but I don't want to set the world on fire.'

'I'll take this one.'

Chess cleaner