Domestic Manager Pillows

'Retirement won't be that different from work. You'll just be reporting to me.'

"I feel like all I do is pick up crap all day."

"Each to each, I always say! Share and share alike! I take pride in my cuisine, but at the same time I am willing to divvy up household chores with a wife. Say, a wife named Irma. That is, if Irma shares as breadwinner! I'll do the cooking! We'll split th

"I'm going to grab a snack, turn down the heat, check a few scores, put the clothes in the dryer and go to the bathroom. ... You need anything?"

'I don't know how a mum of four could ever be referred to as 'jobless'.'

'Why, that's just the cat's pyjamas...'

Workaholic's note to his wife

'We need advice from an economist alright - a home economist!'

Let's get organized

"Microwave to replace gas or oil central heating?" "Yes. Think how cheap it is to microwave a cup of tea!"

'You never compliment me when it's tidy so I figured you wouldn't notice when it's a tip!'

Man with 'Real Ale' written on t-shirt, woman with 'Real Pine' written on rolling pin

Housewife feeding her washing machine with a brief.

A Day In The Kitchen

"By labeling it, I control it."

"I had to skip my workout."

Believe it or not: Once upon a time Dads couldn't even boil water.

'Your house is spotless, your children are well behaved and dinner was delicious. How do you do it?'

Hassled Mother.

Woman has 3 towels in her restroom: 'Mine', 'Mine' and 'Mine'.

Your energy bill is enclosed. You might want to sit down.

"This looks like a job for 'Margarita Man!'"

"Not tonight, Jon. I have to clean for the cleaning lady."

"Me, I think Master and Mistress are incompetent: why else would they need a butler, 3 maids, 2 cooks, 5 gardeners, a pool boy and 2 personal assistants?"

'What have I made for dinner? A reservation at the restaurant down the road. . .'

'Oh, I plow the fields, Greta takes care of the house, and young Johan, here, maintains the website.'

"I thought I was a hoarder, but it turns out I'm a prepper."

Separation Anxiety

"I'm going to be vacuuming, if you want to go into the farthest room and start asking me questions."

"How many times have I told you kids to turn off the light when you leave a room?!"

"What already?! You're the one who told me I needed professional help."

'Not bad. Already 17 minutes into Saturday morning before I receive my first ultimatum.'

"Hello?"

'He has his pet and I have mine.'

"Did you remember to do everything I asked, even the small things I said in passing that didn't sound like real requests?"