Domestic Chief Pillows

'Does this mean that I'm 'man of the house' now?'

"This happens everytime someone asks to speak to the head of the household."

Believe it or not: Once upon a time Dads couldn't even boil water.

"I take it the toilet is fixed?"

"Me, I think Master and Mistress are incompetent: why else would they need a butler, 3 maids, 2 cooks, 5 gardeners, a pool boy and 2 personal assistants?"

"I have to admit. You talked a good game."

"I thought I was a hoarder, but it turns out I'm a prepper."

'Daddy, what did you do on Armed Services Day?'

Cook being told what to do by housemaid

"I wish you'd get more in touch with your masculine side, Robert"

"Whoa. Nap time again. Meeting adjourned."

'Yes, yes, Rupert, you are still a mighty hunter. Now, please bring the turkey back to Luisa in the kitchen.'

You can't focus on the cost of raising a child. True. They do have benefits. Mom! The glue spilled into your underwear drawer! Dad! Where's the toilet plunger? Though nothing specific leaps to mind.

'Well at least your washing up arm is O.K!'

Bird Cage Cover over Wife's Head

Master of the house states that he will be detained in the city on business when he learns that there is cold mutton for dinner.

"...But it's only Thursday. I'll be confused all day now."

"Sloth is a sin."

Man of steel wool.

'You may be the CEO of a large corporation, but at home you're an OMW, observe my whims!'

Husband does the housework

"You can't leave! I haven't had dinner yet!"

Human Dust Buster

'I think the microwave has finally given up the ghost.'

"Her ladyship isn't in—wait, yes, no—so sorry, she's out."

'You told me I should run the house like a business, so what am I bid for dinner?'

"Being a Mom may be a lot of work but at least you've got job security."

Capturing a Cook

"Clark...is there something you'd like to tell me?"

Good disciplinarian gaining respect vs. scary nutcase.

"Oh, are you attacking from home today?"

"Darling, sorry to bother you, but the steak won't fit into the toaster..."

'My wife just can't understand why I want to do the laundry.'

"I'm going to grab a snack, turn down the heat, check a few scores, put the clothes in the dryer and go to the bathroom. ... You need anything?"

"Sorry Helen but you knew I was a management consultant before we got married!"