Domestic King Pillows

"He was a rescue, almost house trained and good with the kids. . . and the dog likes him too."

"That's our house, that's Mommy going to work, and that's you, staring out the window, wondering where it all went wrong."

'Don't be silly- of course you're going into the family business!'

"'Conquer Spain'? 'Balance the budget'? 'Reform the justice system'? -- You call this a honey-do list?"

Believe it or not: Once upon a time Dads couldn't even boil water.

"I take it the toilet is fixed?"

The Unhappy King

"Don't you want to hear about the day I had?"

'Don't bother Daddy -- He fell in the moat again.'

'Not gruel, stupid! -- I said find the GRAIL!'

'Good news from the field, sire! Attila did not like the referee's call, so he's folding up his tents, taking his ball and going home!'

"I sense a lot more going on with you than 'house-husband."

"I have to admit. You talked a good game."

'Make him laugh, make him cry.'

The Royal Wii

'I cut myself slashing the budget!'

Everybody forgot his jubilee.

'Could you scoot your chair over this way a little dear?'

'Daddy, what did you do on Armed Services Day?'

'You can scratch your back when the war is over!'

(Mother Goose: playboy's Mirthful Master of the Macabre serves Up Some Strange Twists On a Clutch of Children's Classics.) "Is this supposed to be somebody's idea of a joke?"

'Between you and me Wizard, is it true that you intellectuals have pointed heads?'

A war would have been bad enough, but losing Alsace-Lorraine in a poker game?

'You might want to try another photographer, Sire. This one tends to cut the heads off.'

"Enemies, yes, but doesn't your moat also keep out love?"

"The peasants have lost all respect for the moat."

"If I had it all to do over again, I would have liked to be the King of Swing."

"I wish you'd get more in touch with your masculine side, Robert"

'I know it seems like a war, but it's actually an all-out struggle for peace!'

'Let it go, will you? -- That whoopie cushion incident was years ago!'

'Well, you DID know this job was dangerous when you took it.'

"The kids - Prince Englebert and Princess Felicia - would like us to move into the olde monarchs' home."

"Why, this is fit for me!"

'I wish you wouldn't bring work home with you!'