Domestic Commander Gifts

'You may be the CEO of a large corporation, but at home you're an OMW, observe my whims!'

"This happens everytime someone asks to speak to the head of the household."

Infantry.

"I thought I was a hoarder, but it turns out I'm a prepper."

Bird Cage Cover over Wife's Head

P.O.W. !! to US credibility.

"Sorry sir, it's the permafrost again!"

"Somehow, my wife pinned me to her taskbar."

"...But it's only Thursday. I'll be confused all day now."

'And I'll bet that there's a cute little war story that goes with each one of them.'

'I didn't know you got one for saluting.'

'You told me I should run the house like a business, so what am I bid for dinner?'

'Roger that...I'm taking the first clean shot I can get.'

"Clark...is there something you'd like to tell me?"

"Yesterday's clothes, which weren't quite dirty enough to wash, or clean enough to put away" "The day before yesterday's clothes" "A parcel you have forgotten to send back" "Your sense of inner peace and harmony" "Clothes from the day before that" "A beloved sock, last seen in February 2023"

Good disciplinarian gaining respect vs. scary nutcase.

"Oh, are you attacking from home today?"

"Marie has been planning for my retirement for years."

'I just joined the Freemasons and I'm afraid you're our next sacrifice..'

"Sorry Helen but you knew I was a management consultant before we got married!"

'The enemy sir. They've broken our code. Perhaps it wasn't good idea to use pig Latin.'

'The general says, I'm not only expendable, but also biodegradable.'

The five stages of laundry 1. Denial I'll do it tomorrow. 2. Anger Why are there no clean clothes!? 3. Bargaining Ok! Who wants to help with the laundry? 4. Depression Can't. Do. It. 5. Acceptance

"I'm going to grab a snack, turn down the heat, check a few scores, put the clothes in the dryer and go to the bathroom. ... You need anything?"

Castle Cat Flap

Home Economics with an Attitude...

Pentagon

How many times do I have to remind you to empty your pockets before doing laundry?

'This is our home's communications center.'

General/medals.

"I feel like all I do is pick up crap all day."

"No, she likes me best!"

'Herbert just loves to help with the dishes.'

"All I said was, 'I'll take out the garbage when I'm ready'."

Statue of a housewife.