Domestic Defender Gifts

Castle Cat Flap

'Roger that...I'm taking the first clean shot I can get.'

"Harry, I'm sorry. I forgot you stopped your night shift."

"Because when you go first nobody else has any fun, that's why."

No Soliciting

"I was ironing the curtains and fell out of the window..!"

A Change of Scene.

'Now listen: Based on the position of the kennel and the length of the leash, only the shaded part of the garden is dangerous...'

"Fine, you win. I'll call a handyman."

Science Snobs

'You're leaving if I'm going to inject him?...

"Brutus! Attack with reasonable force!"

"Great - really great - but I'd still like to get out of the house every once in a while."

Dog being carried off by ducks.

Those missing socks...where do they go?

Darlene, my intelligence tells me that your fiance is a slob. What intelligence, Rudy? Surveillance photos – dirty clothes and towels thrown on the floor. Dishes piled up in the sink. That's my Mel? How did you get those? Top-flight government spy methods. House of Java.net Cybercafe.

"We should never have committed binary fission!"

'How long did you try before calling?'

'Well at least your washing up arm is O.K!'

'Oh oh...this isn't my mace, it's whipped cream!'

'You may be the CEO of a large corporation, but at home you're an OMW, observe my whims!'

Fitted Sheet:1/Human:0

We all have our jobs to do here --- You guard against burglars and I'm the food critic.

'Almost done.'

"Bloody cold-callers - I'm gonna give him a piece of my mind. . .!!"

'I hear a burglar downstairs, the poor fool.'

"I investigated your husband, Mrs Adams. He isn't cheating on you. In fact, I'm your husband. We've just really lost touch recently."

"Clark...is there something you'd like to tell me?"

"There's food in the fridge, and clues about the state of our marriage all around the house."

'In another universe parallel to our own.'

Man with fly swat - Let the games begin.

"I'm going to grab a snack, turn down the heat, check a few scores, put the clothes in the dryer and go to the bathroom. ... You need anything?"

Why the "Man's Best Friend" thing is a total fraud.

How do you keep cats out of your garden? I catch the little sneaks

"I can smell his fear of commitment."