Dog Defender Gifts

'Oh oh...this isn't my mace, it's whipped cream!'

Dog being carried off by ducks.

'Now listen: Based on the position of the kennel and the length of the leash, only the shaded part of the garden is dangerous...'

'And after they figure out human rights, they'll start on ours.'

'And if he does get through the invisible fence, our drone will zap him from 40,000 feet.'

Danger - Unpredictable Dog.

'You're leaving if I'm going to inject him?...

"It's from the dog's lawyer. Seems his unconditional love has some conditions."

No Soliciting

Why the "Man's Best Friend" thing is a total fraud.

"I know, I know, he's like ... 'one of the family,' but I still find it unnerving..."

A Change of Scene.

'That awful dog keeps terrorizing us!'

Dogocaust

'Beware of the dog.'

'... and Duke.'

Postman wearing protective shin pads.

Office mailman.

Mailman takes out a hit on a dog

'Morton can't stand dogs -- He was hounded out of office, you know.'

Call to ban American Bully XL

Law Dawgs

"Objection, Your Honor! Alleged killer whale."

Society for the preservation of dragons - "You don't want them to become extinct do you."

I hate deer! What do you have to repel them? They're awful. I've got fences. Sprays. Decoys. Tree's Tree Nursery. I'll takes these. Anything to get rid of the varmints. Ring him up, Twig. I don't know why you are so down on deer. They've been very good to you! Anti-deer.

'I said: Leave my son alone!'

'Oh, the usual, a postman, a couple of salesmen, a pizza delivery boy, how was your day?'

Due To High Winds Crawling Is Banned Today

"Humans destroy our natural habitat and then say we're an invasive species."

Fish with Shield

"Did you or did you not perform the fake ball toss on my client, causing irreparable humiliation?"

"Eh, who cares if climate change is killing birds? I'll just make more."

'Roger that...I'm taking the first clean shot I can get.'

Uh-oh, They're evolving!

Save the Cacti.