Domestic Drill Sergeant Gifts

Home Economics with an Attitude...

"911, what is your major malfunction?"

'He's a retired Drill-Sergeant!'

"I thought I was a hoarder, but it turns out I'm a prepper."

"Lemming Boot Camp"

Those missing socks...where do they go?

A yeoman misunderstanding an order from his drill-sergeant

"I've never liked 'im - he's an attention seeker!"

Darlene, my intelligence tells me that your fiance is a slob. What intelligence, Rudy? Surveillance photos – dirty clothes and towels thrown on the floor. Dishes piled up in the sink. That's my Mel? How did you get those? Top-flight government spy methods. House of Java.net Cybercafe.

"You guys need to #@%!% fight harder. You're all #@%!% wimps! You call yourselves a #@%!% army? Bull%#!*!"

'You may be the CEO of a large corporation, but at home you're an OMW, observe my whims!'

Bird Cage Cover over Wife's Head

My army drill instructors license plate is HUP-2-3-4.

"...But it's only Thursday. I'll be confused all day now."

'I keep yelling at my privates.'

"Cruz! Are you eyeballin’ me? Eyes shut during savasana! You hear me? Lance, get up and give me 10 headstand pushups to help Cruz here shut her eyes."

'Being a Drill Sergeant isn't s tough - all you got to know is how to count to four.'

"I investigated your husband, Mrs Adams. He isn't cheating on you. In fact, I'm your husband. We've just really lost touch recently."

'Roger that...I'm taking the first clean shot I can get.'

"Is something funny, soldier?"

Passages in the Life of a Volunteer

"There's food in the fridge, and clues about the state of our marriage all around the house."

'I heard you mom is really strict.'

Good disciplinarian gaining respect vs. scary nutcase.

'In another universe parallel to our own.'

"Oh, are you attacking from home today?"

"I'm going to grab a snack, turn down the heat, check a few scores, put the clothes in the dryer and go to the bathroom. ... You need anything?"

'March up that hill! And smile once in awhile, will you!'

Castle Cat Flap

"I can't heeear you!"

"As a child, Timothy would often test his mother’s patience."

"Sorry Helen but you knew I was a management consultant before we got married!"

The five stages of laundry 1. Denial I'll do it tomorrow. 2. Anger Why are there no clean clothes!? 3. Bargaining Ok! Who wants to help with the laundry? 4. Depression Can't. Do. It. 5. Acceptance

"I can smell his fear of commitment."

"Folsom's seasick, sir."