Domestic Ranger Gifts

'It would be better if my legion did not see me taking out the garbage.'

Bear Hugging Season Open

'Sorry, but I'm arresting you for being in possession of an endangered wild coho salmon.'

'Don't worry about getting lost, folks. These trails are all well marked. . . if I do say so myself.'

'No JAMIE,you're NOT keeping any strays! Now GET rid of him and go wash up for dinner!...' / 'Sorry kiddo,i tried...'

"Well, it might not work but at least it smells bad."

'May the forest be with you.'

'Break glass in case of tangled antlers.'

"The third leading cause of forest fires."

Hadley finds proof that bears actually don't s**t in the woods.

"Daisy, that fall broke my leg pretty badly. You need to go get help, girl - oh, what a big stretch! Who’s a good stretcher? Daisy’s a good stretcher! What a good girl…"

Camping with Mr. Thorough

'I'm getting some unusually high readings around you.'

'Occupation? You name it, that's ME.'

'Oh there you are...you naughty girl! What have you been up to this time?'

The Destruction of the Environment

"Wow, listen to that: "Do you have a pioneer spirit? Wolves needed for reintroduction into European National Parks"..."

"Feeling that only you can prevent forest fires could be construed as delusions of grandeur."

"Of course no one wants a forest fire anywhere, anytime. It can be devastating. That's why I feel so guilty."

Stephen Harpers's China Diary - Great Wall Tour.

"Well of course it's fast food. I cooked it faster than a speeding bullet."

'I'm sorry, miss. We are planting a forest here, so you'll have to move.'

Forest rangers prevent forest fires

'It's nice to meet you Otto. Your scent precedes you.'

'What do you mean that you hacked into Old Faithful's computer so now it's not so faithful?'

Man sees half-eaten 'Do Not Feed the Bears' sign

Iron Lady and Iron Man

Ranger has sign saying 'Do not feed the bears'. Bear crosses out sign to read 'Feed the bears'.

Sadly, the few who actually checked their e-mail, were too out of shape to run.

'Oh - It's you.'

Forest Management

Do bears take drug tests in the woods?

Raccoons! Single file into the crate! Snake! Back in your hole! Crickets! Keep it down! Animal Control Freak.

'I don't mean to discourage you, but go home and play on your own range.'

"Hmmm. . . Nope, never seen the guy."