Domestic Disciplinarian Gifts

I am homeschooling you. That doesn't mean you can misbehave in class. If you keep calling out, I'll have to call your mother and report my concerns to myself.

Things to do: 1. Sit 2. Stay 3. Sit 4. Stay

"Don't even think about it."

'Your parents are way too overprotective.'

'I'm being punished. Nothing even remotely electronic for two weeks.'

"We should never have committed binary fission!"

Leaves.

Raccoons! Single file into the crate! Snake! Back in your hole! Crickets! Keep it down! Animal Control Freak.

Mom Umpires

Monk & Mandi: "I only obey twice a day."

'Do I have to enter a plea?'

'Roger that...I'm taking the first clean shot I can get.'

"Use your phone once more during dinner...And I'll send you close-ups of my patients' wounds."

"You're a very good hall monitor, Billy, but we don't detain teachers."

"No, I said 'sit'."

"I wonder if the dumb obedience school gives a warranty..."

'It's not just drugs - Fenton has zero tolerance for everything!'

"How do you feel about plea bargaining?"

Castle Cat Flap

"Worms."

Discipline at Doggy School

"He still isn't paper trained, but I got him rug trained."

'The principal says her door is always open, until it slams shut when you're in there!'

'Herbert just loves to help with the dishes.'

"...And to those who have been naughty he doesn't bring any coal, just presents."

"You just wait until your father gets home and adjusts your algorithm!"

"Sorry I'm late, dad! Which number?"

"You got off easy. They put me under house arrest."

The company gym's down the hall, but your resolve will be tested by running the gauntlet of snack machines.

Dog training tip: always make sure humans go through the doorways first.

Give a dog a bad name.....

'Aren't I entitled to a public defender?'

'Our Damien was right, he is a very strict teacher!'

"Bad dog!"

"Thank goodness, I always keep my person on a leash."