Modern Disciplinarian Gifts

'Your parents are way too overprotective.'

"Eat those veggies or I'll change the wi-fi password!"

Raccoons! Single file into the crate! Snake! Back in your hole! Crickets! Keep it down! Animal Control Freak.

Monk & Mandi: "I only obey twice a day."

'I want you to text message 100 times, 'I will not text message in class.''

'Do I have to enter a plea?'

"Mommy needs to get mad at you in a weird calm voice now."

"No, I said 'sit'."

"I wonder if the dumb obedience school gives a warranty..."

"Use your phone once more during dinner...And I'll send you close-ups of my patients' wounds."

"You're a very good hall monitor, Billy, but we don't detain teachers."

'It's not just drugs - Fenton has zero tolerance for everything!'

"How do you feel about plea bargaining?"

'That website has been blocked.'

"I don't want to bust your diet so we're having turkey franks and pumpkin yogurt."

"Worms."

'The principal says her door is always open, until it slams shut when you're in there!'

'Don't play the fool with me, Son.'

The company gym's down the hall, but your resolve will be tested by running the gauntlet of snack machines.

"Sorry I'm late, dad! Which number?"

"You just wait until your father gets home and adjusts your algorithm!"

"Yeah, but it's okay because they'll never take me alive again."

"...And to those who have been naughty he doesn't bring any coal, just presents."

"You got off easy. They put me under house arrest."

"I'm being punished. For the next hour I have to stay out of WiFi range."

Dog training tip: always make sure humans go through the doorways first.

'I don't think your taking this seriously boy.'

"We tell our kids to drink, smoke, dabble in recreational drugs and get a tattoo. Because they always do exactly the opposite of what we say."

'For throwing spitballs in class, I am sending you to the principle's office. It's nothing personal, It's just a classroom management thing.'

'Aren't I entitled to a public defender?'

'Our Damien was right, he is a very strict teacher!'

This house needs rules! ...so if you think of any you want to live by, just let us know.

'Forsyth, this is my son, Byron. I want you to tell him about the penalty for 'goofing off'.'

Stupid cell phone. One more thing he hated about walking her yappy little dog.

"If I have to text you one more time...."