Modern Disciplinarian Gifts

'Your parents are way too overprotective.'

"Eat those veggies or I'll change the wi-fi password!"

Monk & Mandi: "I only obey twice a day."

'I want you to text message 100 times, 'I will not text message in class.''

'Do I have to enter a plea?'

"No, I said 'sit'."

"Use your phone once more during dinner...And I'll send you close-ups of my patients' wounds."

"I wonder if the dumb obedience school gives a warranty..."

"Mommy needs to get mad at you in a weird calm voice now."

"You're a very good hall monitor, Billy, but we don't detain teachers."

'It's not just drugs - Fenton has zero tolerance for everything!'

"How do you feel about plea bargaining?"

'That website has been blocked.'

"I don't want to bust your diet so we're having turkey franks and pumpkin yogurt."

"Worms."

'The principal says her door is always open, until it slams shut when you're in there!'

'Don't play the fool with me, Son.'

"...And to those who have been naughty he doesn't bring any coal, just presents."

The company gym's down the hall, but your resolve will be tested by running the gauntlet of snack machines.

"You just wait until your father gets home and adjusts your algorithm!"

"You got off easy. They put me under house arrest."

"I'm being punished. For the next hour I have to stay out of WiFi range."

"Yeah, but it's okay because they'll never take me alive again."

Dog training tip: always make sure humans go through the doorways first.

"We tell our kids to drink, smoke, dabble in recreational drugs and get a tattoo. Because they always do exactly the opposite of what we say."

'I don't think your taking this seriously boy.'

'For throwing spitballs in class, I am sending you to the principle's office. It's nothing personal, It's just a classroom management thing.'

'Aren't I entitled to a public defender?'

'Our Damien was right, he is a very strict teacher!'

Stupid cell phone. One more thing he hated about walking her yappy little dog.

"If I have to text you one more time...."

"Mommy is going to stay 'On Message'. 'No'"

"Thank goodness, I always keep my person on a leash."

'Forsyth, this is my son, Byron. I want you to tell him about the penalty for 'goofing off'.'

This house needs rules! ...so if you think of any you want to live by, just let us know.