Parental Disciplinarian Gifts

Mom Umpires

Leaves.

'I'm being punished. Nothing even remotely electronic for two weeks.'

Life with a professional baseball catcher.

Things to do: 1. Sit 2. Stay 3. Sit 4. Stay

"Don't even think about it."

'Your parents are way too overprotective.'

Raccoons! Single file into the crate! Snake! Back in your hole! Crickets! Keep it down! Animal Control Freak.

Soccer Moms

Monk & Mandi: "I only obey twice a day."

'I want you to text message 100 times, 'I will not text message in class.''

'Do I have to enter a plea?'

"No, I said 'sit'."

'You look down, son. You wanna rock about it?'

"I wonder if the dumb obedience school gives a warranty..."

'It's not just drugs - Fenton has zero tolerance for everything!'

"How do you feel about plea bargaining?"

'That website has been blocked.'

Discipline at Doggy School

"Parental advisory explicit content"

"He still isn't paper trained, but I got him rug trained."

"Worms."

'The principal says her door is always open, until it slams shut when you're in there!'

"Sorry I'm late, dad! Which number?"

Dog training tip: always make sure humans go through the doorways first.

The company gym's down the hall, but your resolve will be tested by running the gauntlet of snack machines.

Give a dog a bad name.....

"...And to those who have been naughty he doesn't bring any coal, just presents."

"You got off easy. They put me under house arrest."

"You just wait until your father gets home and adjusts your algorithm!"

'Aren't I entitled to a public defender?'

'Our Damien was right, he is a very strict teacher!'

"Bad dog!"

"Dad won't let me play video games because they promote violence...so he's letting me play with his assault rifle collection!"

"If I have to text you one more time...."