Playful Disciplinarian Gifts

"...And to those who have been naughty he doesn't bring any coal, just presents."

Raccoons! Single file into the crate! Snake! Back in your hole! Crickets! Keep it down! Animal Control Freak.

"You just wait until your father gets home and adjusts your algorithm!"

"No supper for him, Sonia. When little boys petrol bomb the neighbours car they must be punished.

Teacher pointing to P,Q, on board: "OK class, which letter comes next? Redbeard, you should know this."

"I'm still pre-literate."

'I think the computer has a crush on me. It asked me to remain after class.'

'It's another cookery programme but It's aimed at children.'

Education and Apprenticeships

"What do you mean, it's not an educational toy? I'd have to learn to ride it!"

Junior Doctor.

"I'd like my son seated in the first row."

'To better prepare you for the future, I've replaced the letters in your alphabet soup with Chinese ones.'

Dog Anatomy from Memory.

Monk & Mandi: "I only obey twice a day."

Playing Doctors.

'Um...Excuuuse me?! Apparently you've forgotten the household peacekeeping policy.'

'Today in Tactile Effusions Class we are going to pop the bubbles in this packing material.'

"No, I said 'sit'."

"You're a very good hall monitor, Billy, but we don't detain teachers."

"I wonder if the dumb obedience school gives a warranty..."

Anti-litter by-law in effect

"Race you to the spleen!"

Student about substitute teacher that is a sub sandwich: 'We got a good lookin' sub today.'

"Mommy needs to get mad at you in a weird calm voice now."

"Our curriculum focusses less on rote memorization and more on putzing around."

'Stop biting your nails son and get to sleep!'

"Worms."

"It's not real meditation when you SMIRK like that!"

"Very well done, Samuels. But next time, don't forget your handcuffs."

I'm afraid I'm going to have to disciplines you, counselor. No problem, your honor. I just happen to have some furry handcuffs in my pocket.

"How do I keep my kids in line? I threaten to rent out the space under their beds to monsters."

"Today, we're learning how to change a flat tire."

Dog training tip: always make sure humans go through the doorways first.

'Mind if I cut in?'