Playful Disciplinarian Pillows

"...And to those who have been naughty he doesn't bring any coal, just presents."

"You just wait until your father gets home and adjusts your algorithm!"

"No supper for him, Sonia. When little boys petrol bomb the neighbours car they must be punished.

Teacher pointing to P,Q, on board: "OK class, which letter comes next? Redbeard, you should know this."

"I'm still pre-literate."

'I think the computer has a crush on me. It asked me to remain after class.'

Education and Apprenticeships

"What do you mean, it's not an educational toy? I'd have to learn to ride it!"

Junior Doctor.

"I'd like my son seated in the first row."

'To better prepare you for the future, I've replaced the letters in your alphabet soup with Chinese ones.'

Dog Anatomy from Memory.

Monk & Mandi: "I only obey twice a day."

Playing Doctors.

'Um...Excuuuse me?! Apparently you've forgotten the household peacekeeping policy.'

"Race you to the spleen!"

'Today in Tactile Effusions Class we are going to pop the bubbles in this packing material.'

Anti-litter by-law in effect

Student about substitute teacher that is a sub sandwich: 'We got a good lookin' sub today.'

"I wonder if the dumb obedience school gives a warranty..."

"No, I said 'sit'."

"Mommy needs to get mad at you in a weird calm voice now."

"You're a very good hall monitor, Billy, but we don't detain teachers."

'Stop biting your nails son and get to sleep!'

"Our curriculum focusses less on rote memorization and more on putzing around."

"It's not real meditation when you SMIRK like that!"

"Very well done, Samuels. But next time, don't forget your handcuffs."

"Worms."

"How do I keep my kids in line? I threaten to rent out the space under their beds to monsters."

"Today, we're learning how to change a flat tire."

Dog training tip: always make sure humans go through the doorways first.

"We tell our kids to drink, smoke, dabble in recreational drugs and get a tattoo. Because they always do exactly the opposite of what we say."

'Mind if I cut in?'

"You got off easy. They put me under house arrest."

Kid on the way to pricipal's office see a girl in the hall with a stand setup to give legal advice.