Humorous Disciplinarian Pillows

"How do I keep my kids in line? I threaten to rent out the space under their beds to monsters."

"Giving is down at the church, so we are charging an entrance fee."

K-9 Garten

"I'd like my son seated in the first row."

Monk & Mandi: "I only obey twice a day."

Raccoons! Single file into the crate! Snake! Back in your hole! Crickets! Keep it down! Animal Control Freak.

"It's obvious Jesus accepts everyone. His disciples were fishermen, and we know what kind of lies we tell."

'Um...Excuuuse me?! Apparently you've forgotten the household peacekeeping policy.'

'My teacher has a good memory. She remembers what a rotten kid you were.'

"No, I said 'sit'."

"I wonder if the dumb obedience school gives a warranty..."

"You're a very good hall monitor, Billy, but we don't detain teachers."

Jesus Fish

'Play among yourselves while I deal with my stage fright.'

'As it's your first day Frobisher, I feel I should warn you that the pupils can be a bit of a handful!'

"Worms."

"I will now open the floor to questions. Bye bye!"

Dog training tip: always make sure humans go through the doorways first.

"We tell our kids to drink, smoke, dabble in recreational drugs and get a tattoo. Because they always do exactly the opposite of what we say."

'I don't think your taking this seriously boy.'

"Don’t you dare talk to your father in all caps young lady!"

"You just wait until your father gets home and adjusts your algorithm!"

"...And to those who have been naughty he doesn't bring any coal, just presents."

"You got off easy. They put me under house arrest."

'I think that's right, but let me check.'

Kid to kid: 'I had my sentence reduced to a couple of hours in my room.'

Express Confessional: Six Sins or Less

"Thank goodness, I always keep my person on a leash."

This house needs rules! ...so if you think of any you want to live by, just let us know.

Stupid cell phone. One more thing he hated about walking her yappy little dog.

"Mommy is going to stay 'On Message'. 'No'"

'It's disgusting! He just sits and licks his balls all day.'

'Your loyalty is unquestionable, but you just don't seem to be able to learn new procedures.'

'He must be pleased with me. He's wagging his finger.'

'You just wait until your father gets home.'