Clever Disciplinarian Pillows

"We tell our kids to drink, smoke, dabble in recreational drugs and get a tattoo. Because they always do exactly the opposite of what we say."

'Your parents are way too overprotective.'

'He's a retired Drill-Sergeant!'

"I'd like my son seated in the first row."

Raccoons! Single file into the crate! Snake! Back in your hole! Crickets! Keep it down! Animal Control Freak.

Monk & Mandi: "I only obey twice a day."

'Um...Excuuuse me?! Apparently you've forgotten the household peacekeeping policy.'

"Mommy needs to get mad at you in a weird calm voice now."

"No, I said 'sit'."

"I wonder if the dumb obedience school gives a warranty..."

"You're a very good hall monitor, Billy, but we don't detain teachers."

'It's not just drugs - Fenton has zero tolerance for everything!'

"How do you feel about plea bargaining?"

"Does this say 'Our Saviour', to you?"

"Worms."

"Dad, I want another dog for my birthday." "NO." "OK. I want a stripper girlfriend for my birthday." "What kind of dog do you want."

'The principal says her door is always open, until it slams shut when you're in there!'

"How do I keep my kids in line? I threaten to rent out the space under their beds to monsters."

'Your punishment is to cut and paste ‘I will not misbehave in class' 500 times on your tablet.'

'I don't think your taking this seriously boy.'

"You just wait until your father gets home and adjusts your algorithm!"

"Don’t you dare talk to your father in all caps young lady!"

"Yeah, but it's okay because they'll never take me alive again."

"...And to those who have been naughty he doesn't bring any coal, just presents."

"You got off easy. They put me under house arrest."

Dog training tip: always make sure humans go through the doorways first.

'For throwing spitballs in class, I am sending you to the principle's office. It's nothing personal, It's just a classroom management thing.'

'Our Damien was right, he is a very strict teacher!'

This house needs rules! ...so if you think of any you want to live by, just let us know.

Stupid cell phone. One more thing he hated about walking her yappy little dog.

Go ahead Gilles! Taste the lovely forbidden fruit of reform.

'Forsyth, this is my son, Byron. I want you to tell him about the penalty for 'goofing off'.'

"Mommy is going to stay 'On Message'. 'No'"

Kid to kid: 'I had my sentence reduced to a couple of hours in my room.'

'Your loyalty is unquestionable, but you just don't seem to be able to learn new procedures.'