Young Disciplinarian Pillows

"You're a very good hall monitor, Billy, but we don't detain teachers."

'Your parents are way too overprotective.'

"Reverend, if we're born again in Jesus...do we get another belly button?"

"I'm taking detailed notes of everything, so I can tell my kids what things were really like when I was their age."

"I'd like my son seated in the first row."

Raccoons! Single file into the crate! Snake! Back in your hole! Crickets! Keep it down! Animal Control Freak.

Monk & Mandi: "I only obey twice a day."

'Um...Excuuuse me?! Apparently you've forgotten the household peacekeeping policy.'

'Do I have to enter a plea?'

"Mommy needs to get mad at you in a weird calm voice now."

"No, I said 'sit'."

"I wonder if the dumb obedience school gives a warranty..."

'This is coming out of your allowance!'

'I couldn't put it down... I had peanut butter on my hands.'

'It's not just drugs - Fenton has zero tolerance for everything!'

"How do you feel about plea bargaining?"

"Worms."

"Whew! I was afraid the Bible would be full of math since God told us to go forth and multiply."

'The principal says her door is always open, until it slams shut when you're in there!'

"How do I keep my kids in line? I threaten to rent out the space under their beds to monsters."

"We tell our kids to drink, smoke, dabble in recreational drugs and get a tattoo. Because they always do exactly the opposite of what we say."

The company gym's down the hall, but your resolve will be tested by running the gauntlet of snack machines.

"You got off easy. They put me under house arrest."

"You just wait until your father gets home and adjusts your algorithm!"

"...And to those who have been naughty he doesn't bring any coal, just presents."

"Sorry I'm late, dad! Which number?"

Dog training tip: always make sure humans go through the doorways first.

"Who do you want to sue when you grow up?"

'Aren't I entitled to a public defender?'

'Our Damien was right, he is a very strict teacher!'

Stupid cell phone. One more thing he hated about walking her yappy little dog.

"Thank goodness, I always keep my person on a leash."

"Are you saying my faith is a crutch?"

"Mommy is going to stay 'On Message'. 'No'"

This house needs rules! ...so if you think of any you want to live by, just let us know.