Doggie Disciplinarian Pillows

'Your loyalty is unquestionable, but you just don't seem to be able to learn new procedures.'

'He must be pleased with me. He's wagging his finger.'

Dog training tip: always make sure humans go through the doorways first.

"No, I said 'sit'."

"I wonder if the dumb obedience school gives a warranty..."

"According to my recent poll your approval rating has dropped since you started chewing slippers."

Stupid cell phone. One more thing he hated about walking her yappy little dog.

Dog Training Institute

"Worms."

"You got off easy. They put me under house arrest."

Things to do: 1. Sit 2. Stay 3. Sit 4. Stay

"You keep impeccable time."

"Sorry, bud. You know the rules... Dibs is dibs."

"Don't even think about it."

"Instead of wagging my tail, running around and jumping all over you, I sent you an E-card."

'Cheryl, you are getting way too wrapped up in the dog.'

'...and I know exactly how to interpret his barks.'

"And always remember...If you're going to be sick, always do it on the carpet. It's more absorbent."

'He's a retired Drill-Sergeant!'

'I'm being punished. Nothing even remotely electronic for two weeks.'

I was allowed to chew this. But not that

Raccoons! Single file into the crate! Snake! Back in your hole! Crickets! Keep it down! Animal Control Freak.

Monk & Mandi: "I only obey twice a day."

Mom Umpires

Leaves.

"How do you feel about plea bargaining?"

Discipline at Doggy School

"I'm not so good with names but I never forget a butt."

"He still isn't paper trained, but I got him rug trained."

"How do I keep my kids in line? I threaten to rent out the space under their beds to monsters."

'The principal says her door is always open, until it slams shut when you're in there!'

'Are you also a dog?'

Give a dog a bad name.....

"...And to those who have been naughty he doesn't bring any coal, just presents."

"You just wait until your father gets home and adjusts your algorithm!"