Tech-savvy Disciplinarian Pillows

'Your punishment is to cut and paste ‘I will not misbehave in class' 500 times on your tablet.'

"Is this to make me feel bad for not getting you that laptop?"

"Miss Rogers told me I have a personal 'cloud' to store knowledge in."

'...honestly I just feel like we don't communicate like we used to!'

"How can I be a lead learner without the technology needed to lead?"

"Dad's got a promotion. How can now mute middle management."

"We hardly ever intercept hard copy notes anymore, Stanley."

'Can't we handle this through more impersonal channels like text messaging?'

"A virus ate my homework."

'Uh, yeah, the picture resolution is great.'

"Thank you for the rewind, Miss Cooper. Now let us fast-forward to that fateful moment in February and hit the pause button."

'The batteries in my calculator just died. Good thing I kept the instructions on how to count on my fingers.'

'My teacher said my penmanship has really improved since I started doing my homework on an inkjet printer.'

"The battle of Gettysburg? Uh. . . let me check my civil war app."

Rumours Online

Follow God On Twitter

"I can't remember, did you text me, call me, tweet me, email me, or just tell me about it?"

'When the school upgraded its operating system, for the third time, I upgraded my headache medicine from over-the-counter to prescription strength.'

Teacher removes 'School Paper' sign and replaces it with 'School Blog' sign.

"No textbooks. I'm strictly Web-fed."

'No, the Tower of Babel wasn't built for better phone reception.'

"Sword drills just aren't the same since Bible apps."

Our manicure special today is 'Text Message Tips.' I contour your nails so you can hit all those tiny little keys!

Have you considered using email?

I don't want to buy anything. I don't want to upgrade. Watch this! What are you doing? Looking at an ad for the new Mac laptop. My heart's not racing! What's wrong with me?! It is sleek.

"The reason they seem so small is because you have all 12,000 employees on your Zoom meeting."

Employee performance review software.

'I want you to text message 100 times, 'I will not text message in class.''

'You'll be fine. Take two aspirin and call, fax, text or email me in the morning.'

'It says here that machine learning finds fake news with 88% accuracy. I think from now on I really need to edit my reports before I turn them in.'

"Hey Ma, Timmy's please..."

Arachnid Research Lab. I don't need to actually be here all the time, I use a web cam!

Shark SMS Text

'Well you know the old saying... if you can't beat 'em you can always google someone who can.'

"Sorry, but the Wi-Fi password is for tithing church members only."