Lighthearted Disciplinarians Pillows

"I'd like my son seated in the first row."

'As it's your first day we're going to start you on something easy.'

'Look at you. You're a basket case.'

"Let's take in a trial."

"Sucker!" / "Stirrer!"

Church Parking Space Reserved For Sinner Of The Week

'I hear he has a reputation as a loose Canon.'

'Hey, what's with all this 'God forbid' stuff?'

Children Demand Parental Term Limits.

Raccoons! Single file into the crate! Snake! Back in your hole! Crickets! Keep it down! Animal Control Freak.

"Great sermon! - When it comes to sin, you sure know what you're talking about!"

'Frankly, I don't remember why I called this meeting.'

'Um...Excuuuse me?! Apparently you've forgotten the household peacekeeping policy.'

"Mommy needs to get mad at you in a weird calm voice now."

Jesus the comedian.

Wheels for all purposes.

Pigeon Breeders' Association.

'I'm not a wine snob. You're a wine ignoramus.'

"Life's too short to be taken seriously..."

"How do I keep my kids in line? I threaten to rent out the space under their beds to monsters."

Doctor using a crystal ball to diagnose patient,

"...And to those who have been naughty he doesn't bring any coal, just presents."

"We tell our kids to drink, smoke, dabble in recreational drugs and get a tattoo. Because they always do exactly the opposite of what we say."

'Are you on HRT?'

"Oh, yeah! Well my dad says St. Joe is too the patron saint of coffee!"

"You just wait until your father gets home and adjusts your algorithm!"

This house needs rules! ...so if you think of any you want to live by, just let us know.

"So Jesus, do you prefer Methodist or Lutheran?"

"I'm sorry, but I've forgotten your name."

Kid to kid: 'I had my sentence reduced to a couple of hours in my room.'

'To settle an argument - When you shouted 'Foul! Foul!' last night, were you watching the sports programme,or having supper?'

'You just wait until your father gets home.'

'Your wife got the house and the puppies.. but I managed to get you all the buried bones.'

Hiccups. Run for the cure.

I prefer to organize my pills by side effects