Calm Disciplinarian Pillows

"Mommy needs to get mad at you in a weird calm voice now."

"If it were painful, could I do this?"

"Oh good, more time alone for quiet reflection."

"I keep telling myself I've got to slow down."

Need an elevated state of mind too!

'Your parents are way too overprotective.'

"Remember, Mort: Courage isn't the absence of fear. Courage is remaining media-savvy in the face of fear!"

You May Bang Your Head Here/You May Talk To Here.

"I'd like my son seated in the first row."

Monk & Mandi: "I only obey twice a day."

Relaxation Technique

'Taking the anger management class has made you uncharacteristically nice, sir.'

'Remember, son. A winner is one who can keep his head while all around him are losing theirs.'

'Um...Excuuuse me?! Apparently you've forgotten the household peacekeeping policy.'

Calm in the Face of Chaos

"Is something bothering you?"

"You're a very good hall monitor, Billy, but we don't detain teachers."

"Oh, you mellow with age alright: I even like the postman now..."

"No, I said 'sit'."

"I wonder if the dumb obedience school gives a warranty..."

'It's not just drugs - Fenton has zero tolerance for everything!'

'The therapy is working... I don't use all caps in emails anymore.'

"How do you feel about plea bargaining?"

"I'm really having trouble dealing with the global pandemic,economic collapse and cancellation of my weekly yoga class."

"My philosophy has always been 'Don't sweat the small stuff -- it's all small stuff!'"

"Darn it, she's unreachable when she gets her inbox down to zero."

"No matter how dire the problem...no more memos that start with 'YIKES!'"

"Worms."

'The principal says her door is always open, until it slams shut when you're in there!'

Tai Chi

"You got off easy. They put me under house arrest."

"...And to those who have been naughty he doesn't bring any coal, just presents."

"We tell our kids to drink, smoke, dabble in recreational drugs and get a tattoo. Because they always do exactly the opposite of what we say."

"You just wait until your father gets home and adjusts your algorithm!"

This is a library - no sonic booms, please.