Calm Disciplinarian Mugs

"Mommy needs to get mad at you in a weird calm voice now."

"If it were painful, could I do this?"

"Oh good, more time alone for quiet reflection."

"I keep telling myself I've got to slow down."

Need an elevated state of mind too!

'Your parents are way too overprotective.'

"Remember, Mort: Courage isn't the absence of fear. Courage is remaining media-savvy in the face of fear!"

You May Bang Your Head Here/You May Talk To Here.

"I'd like my son seated in the first row."

Monk & Mandi: "I only obey twice a day."

Raccoons! Single file into the crate! Snake! Back in your hole! Crickets! Keep it down! Animal Control Freak.

'Taking the anger management class has made you uncharacteristically nice, sir.'

Relaxation Technique

'Remember, son. A winner is one who can keep his head while all around him are losing theirs.'

'Um...Excuuuse me?! Apparently you've forgotten the household peacekeeping policy.'

Calm in the Face of Chaos

"No, I said 'sit'."

"Is something bothering you?"

"I wonder if the dumb obedience school gives a warranty..."

"You're a very good hall monitor, Billy, but we don't detain teachers."

"Oh, you mellow with age alright: I even like the postman now..."

'It's not just drugs - Fenton has zero tolerance for everything!'

'The therapy is working... I don't use all caps in emails anymore.'

"How do you feel about plea bargaining?"

"Darn it, she's unreachable when she gets her inbox down to zero."

"I'm really having trouble dealing with the global pandemic,economic collapse and cancellation of my weekly yoga class."

"No matter how dire the problem...no more memos that start with 'YIKES!'"

"My philosophy has always been 'Don't sweat the small stuff -- it's all small stuff!'"

"Worms."

'The principal says her door is always open, until it slams shut when you're in there!'

Dog training tip: always make sure humans go through the doorways first.

This is a library - no sonic booms, please.

"You got off easy. They put me under house arrest."

Tai Chi

"You just wait until your father gets home and adjusts your algorithm!"