Humorous Disciplinarian T-Shirts

"How do I keep my kids in line? I threaten to rent out the space under their beds to monsters."

"Giving is down at the church, so we are charging an entrance fee."

K-9 Garten

"I'd like my son seated in the first row."

Monk & Mandi: "I only obey twice a day."

"It's obvious Jesus accepts everyone. His disciples were fishermen, and we know what kind of lies we tell."

'Um...Excuuuse me?! Apparently you've forgotten the household peacekeeping policy.'

"You're a very good hall monitor, Billy, but we don't detain teachers."

'My teacher has a good memory. She remembers what a rotten kid you were.'

"No, I said 'sit'."

"I wonder if the dumb obedience school gives a warranty..."

'Play among yourselves while I deal with my stage fright.'

Jesus Fish

'As it's your first day Frobisher, I feel I should warn you that the pupils can be a bit of a handful!'

"Worms."

"I will now open the floor to questions. Bye bye!"

"You got off easy. They put me under house arrest."

"...And to those who have been naughty he doesn't bring any coal, just presents."

"You just wait until your father gets home and adjusts your algorithm!"

"Don’t you dare talk to your father in all caps young lady!"

"We tell our kids to drink, smoke, dabble in recreational drugs and get a tattoo. Because they always do exactly the opposite of what we say."

'I don't think your taking this seriously boy.'

Dog training tip: always make sure humans go through the doorways first.

'I think that's right, but let me check.'

Express Confessional: Six Sins or Less

'It's disgusting! He just sits and licks his balls all day.'

"Mommy is going to stay 'On Message'. 'No'"

Kid to kid: 'I had my sentence reduced to a couple of hours in my room.'

"Thank goodness, I always keep my person on a leash."

This house needs rules! ...so if you think of any you want to live by, just let us know.

Stupid cell phone. One more thing he hated about walking her yappy little dog.

'Your loyalty is unquestionable, but you just don't seem to be able to learn new procedures.'

'He must be pleased with me. He's wagging his finger.'

'You just wait until your father gets home.'

"Explain to me again why the global market is to blame for this grade."