Devilish Disciplinarian Gifts

No new t-shirts until you learn how to put them on carefully.

At the 2021 Religious Games

'Coulda, woulda, and definitely shoulda.'

Monk & Mandi: "I only obey twice a day."

Raccoons! Single file into the crate! Snake! Back in your hole! Crickets! Keep it down! Animal Control Freak.

'Um...Excuuuse me?! Apparently you've forgotten the household peacekeeping policy.'

"Mommy needs to get mad at you in a weird calm voice now."

"You're a very good hall monitor, Billy, but we don't detain teachers."

"I wonder if the dumb obedience school gives a warranty..."

"No, I said 'sit'."

'Mr.Shumway here is our visiting ethicist.'

'That's one hell of a lawyer.'

'It's not just drugs - Fenton has zero tolerance for everything!'

'Stop biting your nails son and get to sleep!'

"Worms."

It's so frustrating! They always stop acting evil the minute you start recording.

"How do I keep my kids in line? I threaten to rent out the space under their beds to monsters."

'Your punishment is to cut and paste ‘I will not misbehave in class' 500 times on your tablet.'

"As you can see, we allowed you to bring your cell phones; however, this is hell, so even local calls will be charged as roaming."

Dog training tip: always make sure humans go through the doorways first.

"You got off easy. They put me under house arrest."

"...And to those who have been naughty he doesn't bring any coal, just presents."

"You just wait until your father gets home and adjusts your algorithm!"

"Don’t you dare talk to your father in all caps young lady!"

"We tell our kids to drink, smoke, dabble in recreational drugs and get a tattoo. Because they always do exactly the opposite of what we say."

"I screamed for ice cream and all I got was 15 minutes in the Time Out chair."

Law book with a devil's tail bookmark.

'Our Damien was right, he is a very strict teacher!'

This house needs rules! ...so if you think of any you want to live by, just let us know.

"Thank goodness, I always keep my person on a leash."

"Mommy is going to stay 'On Message'. 'No'"

"I've told you not to do that!"

Stupid cell phone. One more thing he hated about walking her yappy little dog.

'Your loyalty is unquestionable, but you just don't seem to be able to learn new procedures.'

'He must be pleased with me. He's wagging his finger.'