Dogged Disciplinarian Gifts

Monk & Mandi: "I only obey twice a day."

Things to do: 1. Sit 2. Stay 3. Sit 4. Stay

"You keep impeccable time."

"Don't even think about it."

'Cheryl, you are getting way too wrapped up in the dog.'

"And always remember...If you're going to be sick, always do it on the carpet. It's more absorbent."

'...and I know exactly how to interpret his barks.'

'He's a retired Drill-Sergeant!'

I was allowed to chew this. But not that

Raccoons! Single file into the crate! Snake! Back in your hole! Crickets! Keep it down! Animal Control Freak.

'Um...Excuuuse me?! Apparently you've forgotten the household peacekeeping policy.'

"No, I said 'sit'."

"I wonder if the dumb obedience school gives a warranty..."

"You're a very good hall monitor, Billy, but we don't detain teachers."

"Mommy needs to get mad at you in a weird calm voice now."

"Worms."

"He still isn't paper trained, but I got him rug trained."

Discipline at Doggy School

"How do I keep my kids in line? I threaten to rent out the space under their beds to monsters."

'Fetching the paper was a lot easier than Googling it and printing it.'

"You got off easy. They put me under house arrest."

"...And to those who have been naughty he doesn't bring any coal, just presents."

"You just wait until your father gets home and adjusts your algorithm!"

"We tell our kids to drink, smoke, dabble in recreational drugs and get a tattoo. Because they always do exactly the opposite of what we say."

"Don’t you dare talk to your father in all caps young lady!"

Dog training tip: always make sure humans go through the doorways first.

Give a dog a bad name.....

"Bad dog!"

"I've told you not to do that!"

This house needs rules! ...so if you think of any you want to live by, just let us know.

"Mommy is going to stay 'On Message'. 'No'"

"Thank goodness, I always keep my person on a leash."

Stupid cell phone. One more thing he hated about walking her yappy little dog.

'Your loyalty is unquestionable, but you just don't seem to be able to learn new procedures.'

'He must be pleased with me. He's wagging his finger.'