Dogged Disciplinarian Gifts

Monk & Mandi: "I only obey twice a day."

Things to do: 1. Sit 2. Stay 3. Sit 4. Stay

"You keep impeccable time."

"Don't even think about it."

'Cheryl, you are getting way too wrapped up in the dog.'

"And always remember...If you're going to be sick, always do it on the carpet. It's more absorbent."

'...and I know exactly how to interpret his barks.'

'He's a retired Drill-Sergeant!'

'Um...Excuuuse me?! Apparently you've forgotten the household peacekeeping policy.'

"Mommy needs to get mad at you in a weird calm voice now."

"You're a very good hall monitor, Billy, but we don't detain teachers."

"I wonder if the dumb obedience school gives a warranty..."

"No, I said 'sit'."

Discipline at Doggy School

"He still isn't paper trained, but I got him rug trained."

"Worms."

"How do I keep my kids in line? I threaten to rent out the space under their beds to monsters."

"We tell our kids to drink, smoke, dabble in recreational drugs and get a tattoo. Because they always do exactly the opposite of what we say."

"Don’t you dare talk to your father in all caps young lady!"

'Fetching the paper was a lot easier than Googling it and printing it.'

"You got off easy. They put me under house arrest."

"You just wait until your father gets home and adjusts your algorithm!"

"...And to those who have been naughty he doesn't bring any coal, just presents."

Dog training tip: always make sure humans go through the doorways first.

Give a dog a bad name.....

"Bad dog!"

Stupid cell phone. One more thing he hated about walking her yappy little dog.

This house needs rules! ...so if you think of any you want to live by, just let us know.

"I've told you not to do that!"

"Thank goodness, I always keep my person on a leash."

"Mommy is going to stay 'On Message'. 'No'"

'Your loyalty is unquestionable, but you just don't seem to be able to learn new procedures.'

'He must be pleased with me. He's wagging his finger.'

I am homeschooling you. That doesn't mean you can misbehave in class. If you keep calling out, I'll have to call your mother and report my concerns to myself.