Dog Discipline Aficionado Gifts

"I've told you not to do that!"

Things to do: 1. Sit 2. Stay 3. Sit 4. Stay

"You keep impeccable time."

'Sometimes, I wonder if Master realizes we are dogs: He always says 'good boy, good boy'...'

"Don't even think about it."

"Poop outside and he saves it in a bag. Crap on the carpet and he loses his mind."

'...and I know exactly how to interpret his barks.'

"Would you mind moving to your doggy bed? I'd like to sit in my chair. I know you can hear me. Your book is upside down."

Dog History

"Jerk." "Jackass." "Screw you." "Bite me."

I think you started off sending him the wrong message when you named him Alpha.

Monk & Mandi: "I only obey twice a day."

"No, I said 'sit'."

'I tried to teach him to shake, but he'd rather do 'high fives'.'

"I wonder if the dumb obedience school gives a warranty..."

'After years of trying, he caught his tail.'

Puppy school vs. kitten school

"He's suffering from heat exhaustion, may I suggest removing his coat?"

"Down boy, it's Halloween."

"Just pay attention and you might learn a few new tricks."

'Do you think I over-praised Marmaduke for fetching the paper?'

Anatomy Of A Dog's Brain

Enable your dog to finish the pursuit of the squirrel...Teach your dog how to easily uncork the wine...They can prepare your taxes for you.....and feed themselves.

"He still isn't paper trained, but I got him rug trained."

"Here's what you do when you're kenneled: find the biggest dog in the joint and kick his #!@*."

"Worms."

Discipline at Doggy School

"If you eat the homework, but then spit it out, are you still a bad dog?"

'Sandra missed school today because of this appointment. Will you please write an excuse note for her?"

'The last thing I knew he was on a plane to an obedience school in Omaha!'

Give a dog a bad name.....