Diet Battler Gifts

Spanx Tells Me No

"Welcome to Smart Eating Weight Loss. We've changed our menu options... have you?"

'Personally I take all these programmes with a pinch of salt.'

Any time is cake o'clock

All Natural Nothing

"What do you mean 'sitting is the new smoking'? I thought fat was the new smoking?"

Begin this high fiber diet slowly. Too fast and your co-workers may complain of a greenhouse effect.

'His workout regimen consists of 50 sit-downs every day.'

This is a great game --- All except for that blimp. It keeps reminding me I've already broken my diet resolution. Pizza. Chips.

Doctor to man with 'Push' door on mouth: 'It looks as though you've been eating a lot of junk food lately.'

When I walk as part of my fitness plan I feel a new, great appreciation for all humanity! That's one small step for a man, one giant leap for mankind. It's so hot and humid nobody's around today. Magnificent desolation! Do you think you'll stick with your diet? Failure is not an otion. Look! An ice cream truck! On the moon I'd weigh 41 pounds and could eat ice cream all day! Houston we have a problem!

'Simple - it's your high-protein diet that keeps you so manic.'

'Well, this is a first †he's got repetitive motion syndrome from eating!'

'Trouble is they always forget to return them...'

'Ahh...now there's a man who understands women.'

"I'm a monster."

"That's it - your diet starts tomorrow"

"Hold on, hun... I'm just saying, losing four ounces in a month is better than gaining four ounces in a month!"

'I'm sorry, Louis. I should have warned you that I installed a speed bump in front of the refrigerator.'

'You put him on a diet, so he put you on a diet.'

"My incentive for losing weight? I bought a fitted sheet a size to small."

'Did you fart, sweetie?'

"I'm putting you on a high fiber low taste diet."

"Why are we eating all this fattening stuff? Pier pressure."

'I'm sorry but I have to let you go, we're all drinking 2%.'

"I've tried 5 diets and haven't lost a pound. Maybe I shouldn't try them all at the same time."

'You strap it on and it monitors your eating habits -- it's called the 'Fudgebuster.''

'However hard I try to lose weight, it always finds me again.'

Gastroenterology - Pull Finger For Service.

'School of nutrition - as of today: Butter, good...'

I can't decide what to read, Gourmet or Weight Watchers.

'You are talking about health? Ha! My cig does not have calories, fat, cholesterol, carbohydrates and sugar!'

"I think the problem is that you're not eating properly..."

"Yes, I know that chocolate comes from the cocoa Bean...but that does NOT count as a vegetable!"

Good cholesterol cop, bad cholesterol cop. Rice cake? Eat the donut punk.