Diet Battler Pillows

"Welcome to Smart Eating Weight Loss. We've changed our menu options... have you?"

'Personally I take all these programmes with a pinch of salt.'

Any time is cake o'clock

"What do you mean 'sitting is the new smoking'? I thought fat was the new smoking?"

All Natural Nothing

'His workout regimen consists of 50 sit-downs every day.'

Begin this high fiber diet slowly. Too fast and your co-workers may complain of a greenhouse effect.

Doctor to man with 'Push' door on mouth: 'It looks as though you've been eating a lot of junk food lately.'

'Simple - it's your high-protein diet that keeps you so manic.'

'Well, this is a first †he's got repetitive motion syndrome from eating!'

'Trouble is they always forget to return them...'

'Ahh...now there's a man who understands women.'

"I'm a monster."

'I'm sorry, Louis. I should have warned you that I installed a speed bump in front of the refrigerator.'

"Hold on, hun... I'm just saying, losing four ounces in a month is better than gaining four ounces in a month!"

"That's it - your diet starts tomorrow"

'You put him on a diet, so he put you on a diet.'

'I'm sorry but I have to let you go, we're all drinking 2%.'

"I've tried 5 diets and haven't lost a pound. Maybe I shouldn't try them all at the same time."

"I'm putting you on a high fiber low taste diet."

'You strap it on and it monitors your eating habits -- it's called the 'Fudgebuster.''

'Did you fart, sweetie?'

"My incentive for losing weight? I bought a fitted sheet a size to small."

"Why are we eating all this fattening stuff? Pier pressure."

'However hard I try to lose weight, it always finds me again.'

'School of nutrition - as of today: Butter, good...'

Obese man using a exercise machine. His false teeth are flying out.

'I don't want you to give up eating entirely -- just the food part.'

"I think the problem is that you're not eating properly..."

"Yes, I know that chocolate comes from the cocoa Bean...but that does NOT count as a vegetable!"

'You are talking about health? Ha! My cig does not have calories, fat, cholesterol, carbohydrates and sugar!'