Obesity Battler Gifts

"People worry about what they're giving their children."

'Personally I take all these programmes with a pinch of salt.'

Begin this high fiber diet slowly. Too fast and your co-workers may complain of a greenhouse effect.

'His workout regimen consists of 50 sit-downs every day.'

When I walk as part of my fitness plan I feel a new, great appreciation for all humanity! That's one small step for a man, one giant leap for mankind. It's so hot and humid nobody's around today. Magnificent desolation! Do you think you'll stick with your diet? Failure is not an otion. Look! An ice cream truck! On the moon I'd weigh 41 pounds and could eat ice cream all day! Houston we have a problem!

'Well, this is a first †he's got repetitive motion syndrome from eating!'

"I'm trying to gain 10 pounds before midnight so I can keep my resolution to lose 10 pounds next year."

'You put him on a diet, so he put you on a diet.'

Run, Mike, Run!

'If God had wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them closer to my hands!'

"I've tried 5 diets and haven't lost a pound. Maybe I shouldn't try them all at the same time."

"Well, I didn't have any more wall space, and I was also tired of being bald."

Obese man using a exercise machine. His false teeth are flying out.

"I don't think there's anything wrong with your fitness watch: It's just that you haven't moved enough to trigger it..."

'He wants some hair restorer for his birthday.'

'...now pour the mixture into a baking dish...'

'I see you're hacking the fridge again.'

Spanx Tells Me No

'Dinosaurs might have survived if they'd gone to health clubs.'

"You research diets, then order junk food online. Your computer isn't broken, it's just confused."

"Touch that and you're a dead man."

"You forgot my Diet Cola."

'You know that thin person inside you, struggling to get out? -- He seems to have gained weight, too.'

'The other foot also Mrs Zipsky!'

The four major food groups.

'It's the half-empty bag of cookies from the back of the pantry. Should I tell them you'll call back?'

'Let's try again but NO laughing this time!'

'Yes, that's all - isn't 1500 calories enough?'

"Sure-fire weight loss program."

"I was just... uh... looking for the low-fat yogurt."

We're never going to lose weight if we don't get rid of the fridge light.

'Enforcing the publish or perish rule, Dean McWit?'

'I reduce my stress with comfort food. Now none of my clothes are comfortable.'

Self Service, Self Denial

Healthy Eating Fast