Deduction Decoder Gifts

'have you ever taken a good look at your paycheck stub? There's one area for what we get and ten different areas for what somebody else gets.'

"The data looks good, sir, but the vibes are mucho heavioso."

"I'm curious about your dependent children, Scamp, Flop, and Spunky."

'I know! It's what I had last night for dinner.'

What Guys Say and What They Mean,

'You might show a little excitement at the figures, Johnson!'

Complexity Made Simple.

DIY horror.

'Stocks shot up. . . no one on the committee could understand a word that Bernanke was saying.'

"According to his will, he wants his outstanding debts to be shared equally between the three of you."

'It's not encrypted, Captain. That's just the clerk's usual typing.'

Information vs. confusion

'Okay... now everyone smile and say: 'that;s not deductible'.'

"The deadline for compliance just kicked in."

'I heard it through the grapevine.'

'Nothing this week †between your pay and your deductions, you broke even.'

'Decoding is often 1, 14, 20, 9, 3, 12, 9, 13, 1, 3, 20, 9, 3.'

Market Research - "I'm trying to remember to pick up a loaf of bread, but there's a 38% probability that I'll forget."

'I'll be right with you after I've checked my messages, dear...'

Mixed marriage: food fight

"Well, yes, I suppose I could explain the test results in 'plain English' — but then you'd know how sick you are."

"Bad debts, yes, but you can't deduct bad trips."

'...and then you smile and say...all together now...'that's not deductible.'.'

"When the IRS sees your deductions they'll get a good laugh!"

After income tax, pension and national insurance I end up owing £450.

'It's this one here, that I don't understand.'

"The doctors call it Polymyositis, but I call it 'Military Arthritis' because it comes with a lot of fatigue."

Man sells IRS insurance outside IRS building.

"You got my text... but did you get my subtext?"

'It's a simple change. Instead of software, you should be writing off your employees as hardware.'

"Have I met my deductible yet?"

"I drive to work every day. Those are business trips, aren't they?"

"It says to sign, and then print my name... can I use the school printer?"

"Hey, got your message. Just wanted to let you know you spelled 'desperately' wrong."

'Baby and Child Care Guidelines'