Instruction Decoder Gifts

DIY horror.

"Life is a struggle for the Pictographically Challenged."

"The data looks good, sir, but the vibes are mucho heavioso."

'I know! It's what I had last night for dinner.'

"This is the fourth student who bubbled in Y-O-U-R N-A-M-E when I told the class to 'bubble in your name'!"

"Are you sure there wasn't a floor model?"

'and then stand in dish for two hours.'

"Just so I’m understanding the menu, the ‘Old Forge wheel with rosemary-infused pancetta’ is essentially a $36 Hot Pocket?"

'You might show a little excitement at the figures, Johnson!'

Complexity Made Simple.

'Stocks shot up. . . no one on the committee could understand a word that Bernanke was saying.'

'Physical or Social Science?'

"The quicksand was corporate's idea. I wanted to fire you for going over my head. They wanted to send a message."

Information vs. confusion

'Decoding is often 1, 14, 20, 9, 3, 12, 9, 13, 1, 3, 20, 9, 3.'

'I heard it through the grapevine.'

"And here you have a brown thing next to something greenish, with some sort of brown runny stuff underneath it."

Every Friday lunchtime procurement managers would gather to boast of the size of bid documents they had received that week.

Market Research - "I'm trying to remember to pick up a loaf of bread, but there's a 38% probability that I'll forget."

'Yes, it is a carrot. You haven't been getting enough fibre.'

"The are 10 types of people in the world - those who understand binary and those who don't."

Frustrated Dad's and Toy Construction.

"Well, yes, I suppose I could explain the test results in 'plain English' — but then you'd know how sick you are."

'I'll be right with you after I've checked my messages, dear...'

Mixed marriage: food fight

"Let me guess: Step two, add sand."

'It's this one here, that I don't understand.'

"The doctors call it Polymyositis, but I call it 'Military Arthritis' because it comes with a lot of fatigue."

'On the paupiettes de boeuf a la hongroise, which part is the hongroise?'

"You got my text... but did you get my subtext?"

'Is this a Greek restaurant?'

"Hey, got your message. Just wanted to let you know you spelled 'desperately' wrong."

'Baby and Child Care Guidelines'

"The chocolate pudding is chef's digital signature dish."

"Maybe if you'd read the instructions then you'd be able to solve it."