Language Decoder Gifts

"If we could decipher their language we'd have a clue to their intelligence levels."

'This is our conference room modeled after the United Nations so we can understand what our tech support people are saying.'

"The data looks good, sir, but the vibes are mucho heavioso."

"Let me put it this way: I'm hitting 'Unlike' and 'Unhire.'"

"I believe it was called 'cursive'."

'You might show a little excitement at the figures, Johnson!'

DIY horror.

'Stocks shot up. . . no one on the committee could understand a word that Bernanke was saying.'

'It's not encrypted, Captain. That's just the clerk's usual typing.'

Information vs. confusion

'I heard it through the grapevine.'

'Decoding is often 1, 14, 20, 9, 3, 12, 9, 13, 1, 3, 20, 9, 3.'

Market Research - "I'm trying to remember to pick up a loaf of bread, but there's a 38% probability that I'll forget."

"Since you're always asking, here's a list of my various kinds of sighs, with explanation of what each one means."

'Yes, it is a carrot. You haven't been getting enough fibre.'

Mixed marriage: food fight

'I'll be right with you after I've checked my messages, dear...'

"Well, yes, I suppose I could explain the test results in 'plain English' — but then you'd know how sick you are."

"Why do you wear green lipstick?"

"People are always whining about food labelling, but there's NOTHING that ANYONE with a reasonable chemistry degree and maybe a PhD in pharmacology wouldn't with a little effort, be able to understand....At least a little."

'Right there is where he departs from the script.'

"I'm not sure she really liked our gift. She used just two exclamation points after 'Thanks'."

'I've gone from spanning the globe at lightening speed to struggling with some techie's accent over a bad connection.'

'It's this one here, that I don't understand.'

"The doctors call it Polymyositis, but I call it 'Military Arthritis' because it comes with a lot of fatigue."

"You got my text... but did you get my subtext?"

"People...do you FINALLY understand the concept of 'Visual Narrative?'"

Before graduating, students at Flegburn High were required to read their diplomas out loud.

'Baby and Child Care Guidelines'

"It says to sign, and then print my name... can I use the school printer?"

"Hey, got your message. Just wanted to let you know you spelled 'desperately' wrong."

"This is my voice mail."

Marooned Optometrist

'It's from the bloke on the other island. It reads; Help. I'm stranded on a desert island.'

Text/Subtext Message