Business Language Decoder Gifts

'Sorry, but this report is simply unacceptable. Way too much mumbo... not nearly enough jumbo.'

"The data looks good, sir, but the vibes are mucho heavioso."

'You might show a little excitement at the figures, Johnson!'

What Business People often say (and what they really mean)

DIY horror.

'Stocks shot up. . . no one on the committee could understand a word that Bernanke was saying.'

"The quicksand was corporate's idea. I wanted to fire you for going over my head. They wanted to send a message."

Information vs. confusion

"You're all redundant."

Market Research - "I'm trying to remember to pick up a loaf of bread, but there's a 38% probability that I'll forget."

"Since you're always asking, here's a list of my various kinds of sighs, with explanation of what each one means."

"The are 10 types of people in the world - those who understand binary and those who don't."

'The new role will involve some EXTRA responsibilities...of course you'll appreciate that there won't be any extra funding...It's a role for which you are uniquely qualified!'

"Well, yes, I suppose I could explain the test results in 'plain English' — but then you'd know how sick you are."

"I have some character-building news for you."

'Right there is where he departs from the script.'

'It's this one here, that I don't understand.'

"The doctors call it Polymyositis, but I call it 'Military Arthritis' because it comes with a lot of fatigue."

Office of Lyrics You Can't Understand

Toughing it out in the real estate game.

'I've gone from spanning the globe at lightening speed to struggling with some techie's accent over a bad connection.'

"Bob, let's meet everyone. Amy is Director of Thought Innovation Solutions, Marcus is head of Transformative Mindset Empowerment, Terry's in charge of Scalable Competency Integration, and Gail is VP of Agile Enterprise Strategy. None of us knows what we do, Bob."

"People...do you FINALLY understand the concept of 'Visual Narrative?'"

'This new position in our company will move me further from ampersand.'

'Baby and Child Care Guidelines'

"You'll fit in just fine."

"Hey, where's the gig, man?"

I got struck out when management got tired of my sports metaphors.

"I would be bilingual if you were bilingual!"

Two tourists inspecting a French sign

'Your voice says 'no' but your tail says 'yes'.'

"If we could decipher their language we'd have a clue to their intelligence levels."

What men say/what men really mean.

"You have to return it. 'Winner takes all' is just an expression."

You didn't tell me how dangerous this job is! It's right in your contract, "guaranteed hospitalization."