Management Decoder Gifts

"The quicksand was corporate's idea. I wanted to fire you for going over my head. They wanted to send a message."

"The data looks good, sir, but the vibes are mucho heavioso."

"Something went wrong after you inserted tab A into slot B."

What Guys Say and What They Mean,

'Very well, I'll introduce you. Ego, meet ID. Now get back to work.'

"We're going to the park to size up the competition."

What Business People often say (and what they really mean)

Paw readings

'You might show a little excitement at the figures, Johnson!'

"Just so I’m understanding the menu, the ‘Old Forge wheel with rosemary-infused pancetta’ is essentially a $36 Hot Pocket?"

DIY horror.

'Stocks shot up. . . no one on the committee could understand a word that Bernanke was saying.'

'Physical or Social Science?'

Information vs. confusion

'Sheisse ... What ein dream!' - Freud

"The deadline for compliance just kicked in."

"And here you have a brown thing next to something greenish, with some sort of brown runny stuff underneath it."

'I heard it through the grapevine.'

"I dreamed last night that I was furious at you for charging me for missing last week's session. What do you think it means?"

'Decoding is often 1, 14, 20, 9, 3, 12, 9, 13, 1, 3, 20, 9, 3.'

Every Friday lunchtime procurement managers would gather to boast of the size of bid documents they had received that week.

Market Research - "I'm trying to remember to pick up a loaf of bread, but there's a 38% probability that I'll forget."

"I have some character-building news for you."

'I'll be right with you after I've checked my messages, dear...'

"Well, yes, I suppose I could explain the test results in 'plain English' — but then you'd know how sick you are."

'It's my job to be nosy!'

Siggy

'On the paupiettes de boeuf a la hongroise, which part is the hongroise?'

"I had the strangest dream. I was suddenly in a room full of people, and I didn't have a stitch on."

"The doctors call it Polymyositis, but I call it 'Military Arthritis' because it comes with a lot of fatigue."

'It's this one here, that I don't understand.'

"You got my text... but did you get my subtext?"

'You needn't worry about confidentiality. Your medical records were carefully transferred to computer and accidently trashed.'

'Is this a Greek restaurant?'

"Hey, got your message. Just wanted to let you know you spelled 'desperately' wrong."