News Decoder Gifts

Russian Ministry of Disinformation

"The data looks good, sir, but the vibes are mucho heavioso."

'Very well, I'll introduce you. Ego, meet ID. Now get back to work.'

Paw readings

"Just so I’m understanding the menu, the ‘Old Forge wheel with rosemary-infused pancetta’ is essentially a $36 Hot Pocket?"

'You might show a little excitement at the figures, Johnson!'

'Who the heck told my wife I had rights to parental leave?'

'Stocks shot up. . . no one on the committee could understand a word that Bernanke was saying.'

'Physical or Social Science?'

'It's not encrypted, Captain. That's just the clerk's usual typing.'

Fake News - Tabloid News - State-run News - Free Press

'I sense this may not be a one-way journey.'

"The quicksand was corporate's idea. I wanted to fire you for going over my head. They wanted to send a message."

Information vs. confusion

'Sheisse ... What ein dream!' - Freud

"I dreamed last night that I was furious at you for charging me for missing last week's session. What do you think it means?"

"Yes, human DNA is very close to ours, but obviously, they're missing the nucleotide necessary for caring for the environment. . ."

'It's our latest line-suits for t.v announcers'

'I heard it through the grapevine.'

'Nothing's happened today-read it dead slowly.'

"And here you have a brown thing next to something greenish, with some sort of brown runny stuff underneath it."

'He's one of those genetically-altered antibodies.'

Every Friday lunchtime procurement managers would gather to boast of the size of bid documents they had received that week.

Market Research - "I'm trying to remember to pick up a loaf of bread, but there's a 38% probability that I'll forget."

'It's my job to be nosy!'

'I'll be right with you after I've checked my messages, dear...'

DNA explained.

'On the paupiettes de boeuf a la hongroise, which part is the hongroise?'

Gin-etic Engineering

"I had the strangest dream. I was suddenly in a room full of people, and I didn't have a stitch on."

"I sure do have a family. There's my wife's DNA and my kid's DNA."

Siggy

"You got my text... but did you get my subtext?"

'Is this a Greek restaurant?'

"Hey, got your message. Just wanted to let you know you spelled 'desperately' wrong."