News Decoder Gifts

Russian Ministry of Disinformation

'Very well, I'll introduce you. Ego, meet ID. Now get back to work.'

"Just so I’m understanding the menu, the ‘Old Forge wheel with rosemary-infused pancetta’ is essentially a $36 Hot Pocket?"

Paw readings

'You might show a little excitement at the figures, Johnson!'

'Who the heck told my wife I had rights to parental leave?'

'Physical or Social Science?'

Fake News - Tabloid News - State-run News - Free Press

'It's not encrypted, Captain. That's just the clerk's usual typing.'

"The quicksand was corporate's idea. I wanted to fire you for going over my head. They wanted to send a message."

'I sense this may not be a one-way journey.'

Information vs. confusion

'Sheisse ... What ein dream!' - Freud

'It's our latest line-suits for t.v announcers'

'He's one of those genetically-altered antibodies.'

"And here you have a brown thing next to something greenish, with some sort of brown runny stuff underneath it."

'Nothing's happened today-read it dead slowly.'

"I dreamed last night that I was furious at you for charging me for missing last week's session. What do you think it means?"

'I heard it through the grapevine.'

"Yes, human DNA is very close to ours, but obviously, they're missing the nucleotide necessary for caring for the environment. . ."

Every Friday lunchtime procurement managers would gather to boast of the size of bid documents they had received that week.

Market Research - "I'm trying to remember to pick up a loaf of bread, but there's a 38% probability that I'll forget."

'I'll be right with you after I've checked my messages, dear...'

'It's my job to be nosy!'

Gin-etic Engineering

Siggy

"I had the strangest dream. I was suddenly in a room full of people, and I didn't have a stitch on."

"I sure do have a family. There's my wife's DNA and my kid's DNA."

'On the paupiettes de boeuf a la hongroise, which part is the hongroise?'

"You got my text... but did you get my subtext?"

"Hey, got your message. Just wanted to let you know you spelled 'desperately' wrong."

'Is this a Greek restaurant?'

"It says to sign, and then print my name... can I use the school printer?"