Policy Decoder Gifts

'You might show a little excitement at the figures, Johnson!'

DIY horror.

Fake News - Tabloid News - State-run News - Free Press

"The quicksand was corporate's idea. I wanted to fire you for going over my head. They wanted to send a message."

Information vs. confusion

"The deadline for compliance just kicked in."

'I heard it through the grapevine.'

Every Friday lunchtime procurement managers would gather to boast of the size of bid documents they had received that week.

Market Research - "I'm trying to remember to pick up a loaf of bread, but there's a 38% probability that I'll forget."

'I'll be right with you after I've checked my messages, dear...'

EU money addiction

'It's this one here, that I don't understand.'

"The government is confident it has its numbers right. . . we're just not sure what order to put them in."

"You got my text... but did you get my subtext?"

'Baby and Child Care Guidelines'

"Hey, got your message. Just wanted to let you know you spelled 'desperately' wrong."

End of crisis

Ideology and bureaucracy

'Our techies assure us no one stole the data. There were no hackers involved. We just lost it, all by ourselves.'

'His insurance company said it does not cover self-inflicted accidents.'

War Starting Gun

'I think we're going to need an ANNOTATED edition.'

"This is my voice mail."

'The dept. of agriculture says yes, the environmental protection agency says maybe, and the food and drug administration says no.'

Change Rooms.

'It's from the bloke on the other island. It reads; Help. I'm stranded on a desert island.'

Text/Subtext Message

"If we could decipher their language we'd have a clue to their intelligence levels."

"If there is a processing problem, just come to me, and please, no whimpering in the cubicles."

'have you ever taken a good look at your paycheck stub? There's one area for what we get and ten different areas for what somebody else gets.'

'This is our conference room modeled after the United Nations so we can understand what our tech support people are saying.'

Nice idea. I see you've made the small print smaller.

Signage